Giant snakes have figured out how to open doors, so RIP all of us. Hopefully we’ll last long enough to see some of the next NFL season. In the meantime, some links:

– Darrelle Revis reportedly paid Mark Barron $50,000 for the rights to jersey no. 24 with the Buccaneers. Business idea: squat on jersey numbers across professional sports team then reap the riches when stars sign. This is totally feasible. I am not a crackpot.

– This year’s Rookie Symposium will address the subject of sexual orientation, specifically how to patronize Kerry Rhodes when he tries to convince future teammates how straight he is.

– The Falcons are going forward with the crazy stadium design with the tight butthole roof and the rumble pack seats. When the snakes make their final move on the humans, the climatic scene will take place there.

– 44 photos from the Patriots cheerleader calendar shoot in St. Lucia.

– Does getting hot at the end of the season mean promising things for the following year? The numbers say… eh, not really.

– Steve Gleason accepted the apology from the Atlanta sports talk DJs who made fun of him the other day. Big of him. If I had ALS or any other debilitating condition, I’d make people feel bad even if they didn’t do anything. Which is why I’m a terrible person and Steve Gleason is not.

– Joe Theismann weighs in on the Redskins name controversy, says he feels proud to have played for a team called the Redskins. He claims a Native American once told him he’s an honorary Redskin. So, hey, not a slur since he’s one of them, right?