Ive got the full transcript I was onsite covering this my jaw was literally on the floor the entire time. Lets just say Obamas taking full advantage of this lameduck thing.
Ayo fam, great to have you all here this afternoon helping to celebrate the World Champion Baltimore Raven’s. What a great team.
Im honored to have players like Ray Lewis here today.
Ray, you killed two guys 10 years ago and now your someone I respect very deeply. Oh I’m sorry I’m reading from last nights Weather Underground banquet. Fuck it, lets roll with it- in fact why dont I just call you rAyers Lewis from now on?
Look Ray….. lets be clear……. Id put you in charge of the department of fish and wildlife if I wasnt so sure youd just castrate every whitetail deer and inject there semen into your heart big fella.
Joe Flacco,, its great to see you here. You know Joe the big question going into this season was if your Elite. Well your palling around with me so I think we know the answer to that.
Congrats on that contract Joe, Im looking forward to the additional income taxes Ill be seeing out of you. Mr. Flacco Ive been watching you during the banquet- by my count you’ve put away about 21 Bud Ices which ironicly makes you the second drunkest Joe from Delaware here today.
Jon Harbaugh its great to see you here. You were a Special Teams coach a while back. You know who else is a Special Team is Seal Team 6 who I Coached on how to kill Bin Laden. Did you know i killed Bin Laden? Pretty much personally put a bullet in his head. Did you hear about that? Made a couple movies out of it. Your welcome by the way.
Seriously though Coach Harbaugh you did such a good job defending against that pistol attack without having one of your own Im naming you Gun Control Czar.
Hey Jon where are you going? Jon? I’m joking. Fuck him.
Ray Rice. I got to admire you. Hey Diddle Diddle, Ray Rice up the middle. Course when Im around they say Upper-Class Theft, Obama Breaks Left. Rays a great reminder that good things come in small packages which is something we could all stand to remember as you receive your tax refunds folks.
Ozzie Newsoms here today fam. Hey Ozzie you didnt build that. *Fist bump with Ozzie Newsom*
Ive always been a big Ed Reed fan folks. Ed actually spilled a full Old English all over the nice Obama 44 uniform they brought me today but no harm done Ed. As you know Ive got a pretty good track record of not caring when hurricanes destroy new jerseys.
Well folks Im glad we could all make it out here to have a little fun while wall street and main street literally burns. I hope one of you is Gay. Speaking of going helmet-to-helmet if your looking for a new player who stands NO chance of making contact with any mans helmet might I suggest Michele.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.