So for an hour earlier this week, the NFL community/ TV watching fans everywhere were held in suspense as the NY Daily News reported that Victor Cruz was hoping for a reality show.  Cruz quickly jumped on twitter to reassure us that this was not the case, that he was never interested in doing a reality show and he would rather focus on training and not signing his contract offers.

But thankfully, I have a machine that goes into other realities, and I used it to find a version of reality where Cruz did have a reality show, and I want to share the highlights with you, because we should not have been deprived.  Here are the highlights from season 1 of “Victor Cruz: Cruzin Loose”

Cruzin loose
In the very first episode we get a great look at the Victor Cruz contract situation. Jerry wants to feed Cruz a gross 8 million contract, but Cruz doesn’t like those vegetables.

 

 

Contract

He decides to get his contract money by recieveing Diva lessons from none other than TO, who taught Cruz the value of surrounding yourself with idiots and being a valued narcissist.

 

 

TO

In the second episode we got a sneak peak at “Lethal Weapons”, the new crime comedy starring Cruz, Eli Manning and Hakeem Nicks.

Lethalweapon

Nobody could ever forget the hilarity of watching Cruz eat that worm on a double dog dare from Nicks.

Nicks Worm

We also got to see Cruz at home, and we saw the softer side of him as he watched Game of Thrones.

GOT

We also got a first look at his new commercial endorsement! Aren’t you excited for Cruz salsa?

product

I don’t think I’ve ever seen as emotional a moment on television as when Cruz’s entire extended family died in the Salsa Factory flood.

Salsa Death

Many of us were on the edge of our seats when Cruz snapped after the incident and decided to rob a bank.

Robbery

 

The hostage negotiation was tense, but when Cruz finally killed her, it was okay, because she was an Eagles fan and probably would have killed Santa regardless.

 

Hostage

Many of us feared the show was cancelled early when Trent Dilfer shanked Cruz in prison

Prison Shank

But we were happy when it was revealed that Cruz was actually the last Horcrux, and he resurrected to fight evil!

Last Horcrux

When he blew up the Death Star, I knew we’d get a season 2.  I can’t wait to see it.

deathstar