grudentalk

 

Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE VOTING IN THE SOUTH?

hermband

Herm: I TRIED VOTING AGAINST NIXON WHEN I WAS ON THE FALCONS BUT THE PEOPLE AT THE VOTING BOOTH TOLD ME THAT HE WASN’T ON THE BALLOT IN 1986.

Jon: AH HERM, AT LEAST YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO VOTE FOR JOHN LEWIS.  STANDING UP FOR CIVIL RIGHTS AGAINST ALABAMA STATE TROOPERS?  THAT’S A REAL GRUDEN GRINDER.  ANYWAY WE HAVE TOM GOLDSTEIN HERE  TO DISCUSS THE SUPREME COURT’S RULING ON THE VOTING RIGHTS ACT.  TOM, HOW YA DOIN?

Tom: I’m doing well.

Jon: SO THE SUPREME COURT SAID THAT THE SOUTH ISN’T RACIST ANY MORE.  I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE SINCE GEORGE PRESTON MARSHALL IS DEAD.

Tom: Well, in a way the Supreme Court did say that the South isn’t racist any more.  What it actually did was find fault with how Congress determined if a jurisdiction had a history of discrimination.

Jon: I HEAR YA, GOTTA USE THE MODERN ANALYTICS.  IT’S LIKE USING QUARTERBACK RATING WHEN YOU KNOW THAT RUSSELL WILSON’S GOT THE BEST DVOA.

Herm: THE STATE OF ALABAMA CAN’T CONVERT A THIRD AND LONG.

Tom: Kind of.  The formula wasn’t perfect but it should have passed constitutional muster.  And the Supreme Court isn’t stupid – it knows that by punting to a hopelessly divided Congress it effectively guts the law.

Jon: THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T PUNT WHEN THE STAKES ARE THIS HIGH.  THE SUPREME COURT NEEDS TO GO FOR IT ON FOURTH AND ONE.  YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT SCALIA CAN’T GAIN A YARD, HE’S GOT A LOW CENTER OF GRAVITY.

Herm: ELENA KAGAN WOULD BE A GREAT RIGHT TACKLE.

Tom: Well, it’s not punting in the football sense. Rather, it’s the Court knowing that by forcing Congress to act that it’s essentially dooming the law to failure.

Jon:  THIS JOHN BOEHNER, I CALL HIM CHRIS SIMMS BECAUSE YOU CAN’T COUNT ON HIM TO PASS ANYTHING AND HE’S PROBABLY DRUNK RIGHT NOW.

Tom: It really highlights how John Roberts is the intellectual leader of the Republican Party right now.  Nobody has been as effective as him at ingraining conservative principles into government.

Jon: KATRINA, 2 WARS, MASSIVE DEBT, ECONOMIC COLLAPSE AND JOHN ROBERTS.  THIS GEORGE W. BUSH, I CALL HIM JIM MORA, JR. BECAUSE HE ONLY GOT HIS JOB BECAUSE OF HIS DAD, HE GOT 2 CHANCES TO SCREW UP AND HIS LEGACY IS LEAVING ORGANIZATIONS IN TATTERS.

Herm: BARACK OBAMA IS PETE CARROLL.

Tom: It’s an interesting note because in Bush v. Gore you had the Supreme Court ignoring defective voting laws at the state level.  Flash forward to today and people have to wait nine hours to vote in Florida and the Supreme Court isn’t concerned with it.  If there’s been a hallmark of the Roberts court, it’s been indifference to people who aren’t privileged.

Jon: BACK WHEN I LIVED IN FLORIDA I WOULDN’T VOTE BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY GRINDING TAPE.  I DIDN’T HAVE NINE HOURS TO WAIT IN LINE TO VOTE AT THE TAMPA HOOTERS.

Tom: You voted at a Hooters?

Jon: MOST PEOPLE VOTE AT LIBRARIES BUT THERE ARE NO LIBRARIES IN TAMPA.

Herm: YOUR PLAYBOOK WAS THE ONLY BOOK IN HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY.

Tom: So, I don’t know what we’re talking about any more.

Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME ON GRUDEN TALK.  PLAY US OFF, HERM EDWARDS 7.

Herm: AIN’T NO LOVE IN THE HEART OF THE CITY.  RIP BOBBY BLUE BLAND.