Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY. BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DO YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES?
Herm: WHEN THERE ARE BOWELS TO BE DISEMBOWELED THEN YOU KNOW I’M WATCHING.
Jon: WELL THEY HAD AN EPISODE LAST NIGHT WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE WENT TO THE BIG POSTGAME CONFERENCE IN THE SKY. HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT IS TV CRITIC ALAN SEPINWALL. ALAN, HOW YA DOIN’ BUDDY?
Alan: I’m doing well, Jon.
Jon: SO THIS ROBB STARK, I CALL HIM RON ZOOK BECAUSE HE’S A NICE GUY WHO SQUANDERS A LOT OF TALENT WITH BAD DECISIONS.
Alan: Yes, Robb Stark made a lot of tactical errors leading up to The Red Wedding. The worst, of course, was breaking the marriage pact with Walder Frey.
Jon: LEMME TELL YA ALAN, IN THIS BUSINESS YOU GOTTA BREAK MARRIAGE PACTS ALL THE TAPE. WIVES DON’T LIKE HUSBANDS WHO GOTTA GRIND TAPE UNTIL 3 AM.
Herm: THIS JOB SAVED MY MARRIAGE, I ONLY WORK 10 HOURS A WEEK.
Alan: Well, it wasn’t a divorce, it was a marriage to someone other than a Frey woman. In the books Robb married Jeyne because he was devastated after the death of his brothers, a bit more understandable. But in the books he abandons Frey because he simply falls madly in love with Talisa.
Jon: I HEAR YA, CAN’T LET ROMANCE GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR PLANS. A LOVESICK QB CAN’T RUN A RED RIGHT COUNTER Z SMASH. THAT’S WHY I KEPT THE TAMPA PRACTICE FACILITY WELL-STAFFED WITH STRIPPERS.
Herm: STRIPPERS ARE GOOD LISTENERS.
Jon: AND HOW ABOUT THAT WALDER FREY. THE LAST MAN I SAW WITH A CHIN THAT WEAK WAS WADE PHILLIPS, EXCEPT WADE’S GOT HOT DAUGHTERS.
Alan: Walder Frey is one of the most loathed characters in the series but you cannot deny that he is cunning, setting up the Red Wedding with the support of Tywin Lannister and Roose Bolton.
Jon: I HEAR YA, WADE PHILLIPS WAS ANYTHING BUT CUNNING.
Herm: WALDER FREY COULD BEAT THE GIANTS.
Alan: And in the coming season you’ll see the effect that this has on the Frey family. In Westeros guest right is an important part of society and Frey, Lannister and Bolton violated it. There will be repercussions for everyone involved.
Jon: I HEAR YA, THE RULES COMMITTEE WILL COME DOWN PRETTY HARD ON THEM FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. FINES, MAYBE EVEN SUSPENSIONS. IF THEY CAN DING SEAN PAYTON FOR A YEAR WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY’LL DO TO WALDER FREY. I GUESS THE FREY FAMILY IS KIND OF LIKE THE SAINTS, BUT WITH LESS INBREEDING.
Alan: I hope the show explores the Frey storyline too, I think.
Jon: WELL NO MATTER HOW IT SHAKES OUT I HOPE HODOR ENDS UP OK. HE’S GOT THE SIZE AND STRENGTH TO BE A PERFECT 0-TECHNIQUE. HE MIGHT NOT HAVE THE BEST WONDERLIC BUT I BET HE COULD STILL GRADUATE FROM AUBURN.
Herm: MIGHT HAVE TO SPEND TWO YEARS AT A JUCO FIRST.
Alan: I’m totally lost.
Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME HERE ON GRUDEN TALK. PLAY US OFF, HERM EDWARDS 7.
Herm: WE’RE GONNA PLAY RAINS OF CASTAMERE BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU WITH A CROSSBOW AFTER.
[Apologies for no Gruden Talk last week. Please send complaints to firstname.lastname@example.org]
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.