Via Ray Rice’s Facebook Page

Associated Web Writers of America
5528 Mother’s Basement Lane
Ames, Iowa 50012
May 20, 2013

Mr. Ray Rice
c/o Baltimore Ravens
1101 Russell Streeet
Baltimore, MD 21230

Dear Mr. Rice:

It is with great sadness we reach out to you today, Mr. Rice. On behalf of the entire web writing and blogging community, I must beseech you to immediately stop posting pictures manipulated in Photoshop of yourself in humorous situations. Our livelihoods depend on the ability to create such entertainment for our readers and your fans and if you are able to directly provide these services to the public, we will all be out on the streets peddling our skills on the side of the road.

Sure, it may seem like online content creators have it made, Mr. Rice. Flexible hours, pants-optional dress codes, big money editorial discussions on Branch about large freelance payouts of a couple hundred dollars and our own Tumblrs covering unpaid gigs at prestigious publications like National Geographic. One could see how this easygoing lifestyle would seem like a breeze to a high-profile football player such as yourself burdened with the pressure to perform under a five-year $40 million contract, but let me assure you Mr. Rice, we all put our blood, sweat and tears into each and every pixel you seen on the screen.

If you want to sharpen your computer skills for your career after football that is understandable, but when you publicly display talent online equal to the talent you have on the field then you come into direct competition with our association and we must protect our territory. It took some of us years to learn photo finishing through trial-and-error, a bootleg copy of Photoshop downloaded at the Art Institute in Denver from 1999 and watching YouTube videos, our late-night sessions only interrupted by panicked phone calls from colleagues still employed at print newspapers asking us to explain what “a Reddit” was to them. We’ve seen first hand what happens to professionals when “amateurs” take over their ranks; the layoffs, the depression, the drinking, the sudden interest in moving to Portland to make pottery. If every blogger were to show up at OTAs this week and run a 4.27 40-yard dash, would you not feel threatened by our presence?

It is with this in mind we ask you continue concentrating on football so we can concentrate on lighthearted comedy, knowing our jobs are not under further threat from your impressive skills with the lasso tool.

Sincerely,

Sarah Sprague

Associated Web Writers of America

P.S. If you would ever like to play around and contribute to one of the best football sites on the web, we would love to have you here at Kissing Suzy Kolber any time you would like. Feel free to contact us at kissingsuzykolber@uproxx.com if you are interested in discussing your future blogging career.