About a week ago, former Jets and Cardinals safety Kerry Rhodes flatly denied rumors that he is gay to TMZ. This was done in response to a couple photos of him posted on the always reputable Media Takeout getting awfully familiar with another dude while on vacation. Because everyone knows if you ride the lazy river with another man, you’re totes gay.

Anyway, turns out that other guy is Russell “Hollywood” Simpson, who worked as Rhodes’ assistant for some time. Simpson now apparently is shopping a reality show, so by no means does he have a motivation to drum up cheap publicity however possible. Nevertheless, it’s fun to read about how he claims he was Kerry Rhodes’ “wife” and everyone knew it.

I was like his wife. I ran the household and took care of all his personal needs. If anyone needed anything from Kerry they came to me! That’s what Kerry loved about me. i didn’t take no sh*t from nobody. Kerry is kinda a dumb athlete, like a dumb jock. So, I took care of things that he didn’t understand. And yes, his teammates did know about me. It was kinda unspoken but I was at all his training camps and events. The other wives knew and loved me too. I was always there. It was no secret!

On Who Initiated The Relationship

“Of course he came on to me. I’m too fabulous to come on to anybody. That’s not what I do. I have a lot of men that come on to me. I don’t come on to men because I don’t know what time it is for you. I would never come on to a man. Honestly, a lot of gay guys are like me. A lot of gay guys don’t come on to guys. It’s always the other way around. It’s always the manly ones. Of course I wouldn’t come on to anybody. Yes, I thought he was attractive but I thought he liked girls.”

Our sex life was great! It was very passionate because we were so in love. Of course he was the top! I’m not doing all that damn work! But, we were extremely close. It was very good and he put it on me!

I won’t claim to know what’s actually the deal here. I’m just passing on salacious quotes. That said, it would be unfortunate if the first active (relatively speaking – Rhodes isn’t currently signed with a team) gay NFL player were to be forced to out himself rather than come out by his own accord. But, however this shakes out, it’s a pretty amusing sh*tshow for now.