Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY. BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU WATCH THE IRON LADY?
Herm: I EAT LOTS OF RED MEAT SO I DON’T NEED IRON.
Jon: WELL LEMME TELL YA, THAT MERYL STREEP IS A TRUE CHAMPION. HER LEADERSHIP SKILLS DRAGGED A SUBPAR SCRIPT OVER THE TOP. AND IT WAS ABOUT MARGARET THATCHER, WHO DIED YESTERDAY. HERE TO TALK ABOUT HER LEGACY IS LORD FREDERICK PONSONBY, BARON OF SHULBREDE AND MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LORDS.
Frederick: Pleasure to be here, Jon.
Jon: THAT’S ONE HELL OF A HANDLE YOU GOT THERE LORD PONSONBY, IN AMERICA WE HAVE NAMES LIKE BOOGER MCFARLAND.
Frederick: You can call me Frederick if you prefer.
Jon: SO FREDERICK, YOU GOT A LOT OF DIFFERENT REACTIONS TO MARGARET THATCHER DYING. SHE SEEMS TO BE A DIVISIVE FIGURE LIKE RICHARD NIXON OR BUDDY RYAN.
Frederick: Well, you have to understand that Britain was a mess when she took over. Someone had to remake society, but she did it at great cost to the poorest Britons.
Jon: WELL YOU GOTTA MAKE SOME ROSTER CUTS IF YOU WANT TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL. DID SHE CONSIDER SIGNING THEM TO THE PRACTICE SQUAD?
Frederick: In the United Kingdom there was a post-war consensus that was forged in our shared fight against the Jerries. When Thatcher took over that consensus had degraded but her reforms did a lot to destroy it.
Jon: I DON’T NEED TO REMIND YOU THAT THOSE JERRIES WOULD’VE TURNED YOU INTO A SUBURB OF BERLIN IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE AMERICANS.
Herm: I WENT TO A FOOTBALL GAME IN LONDON AND HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON.
Jon: SO WHAT WAS SO BAD ABOUT THIS POSTWAR CONSENSUS?
Frederick: Well trade unions held a disproportionate amount of power; the country was inert and devoid of innovation.
Jon: THAT’S WHAT MAKES AMERICA SO GREAT, THE NFLPA NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT THE WEST COAST OFFENSE. HERE WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU NEED TO INNOVATE IF YOU WANT TO DOMINATE ON THE FIELD.
Frederick: Yes, and in the United Kingdom we needed a disruptive force to teach us that. The dynamic British society that you see today is a reflection of that. But the social inequality that resulted could have been mitigated by a kinder leader.
Jon: THAT’S WHY YOU NEED REVENUE SHARING. EVEN THE BILLS HAVE A CHANCE THANKS TO THAT AND THEY PLAY IN A DECAYING WASTELAND TOO. THIS UPSTATE NEW YORK, I CALL IT 1970s ENGLAND BECAUSE IT AIN’T WORTH LIVING THERE.
Herm: YOU COULDN’T CATCH ME DEAD IN UTICA.
Frederick: Economically stagnant areas do have a lot to learn from Ms. Thatcher, yes.
Jon: THIS MARGARET, I CALL HER BILL PARCELLS BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES HER BUT SHE WAS ABLE TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WAY WE LOOK AT THINGS. WHETHER IT’S THE BRITISH ECONOMY OR THE 4-3 DEFENSE SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA ROLL THE DICE TO SHAKE THINGS UP.
Herm: MARGARET THATCHER IS A BETTER DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR THAN GUNTHER CUNNINGHAM.
Frederick: I’m afraid that I don’t follow.
Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME ON GRUDEN TALK. PLAY US OFF, HERM EDWARDS 7.
Herm: TRAMP THE DIRT DOWN ON 3, FELLAS, LET’S SHOW MAGGIE THATCHER WHAT WE THINK.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.