Various members of Robert Griffin III’s camp have been eager to inform the media what astounding progress RGIII’s repaired knee has made through the early stages of the off-season. While some are concerned that these folks might be stoking expectations to dangerous levels, Joe Theismann has no such concerns. Just the opposite. Theismann has gone so far as to guarantee that RGIII will be ready to start Washington’s Week 1 game against the Eagles. That sounds significant, until one realizes that there is only a brief list of things more worthless than a guarantee from Joe Theismann. This list includes:

Taekwondo

The first five months of baseball season

Trailers for Super Bowl commercials

Water chestnuts

Pinterest

Yelp reviews for fire stations

Joe Theismann