The lifestyle sections of publications like The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal mainly exist to explain how wealthy people live and what things they can afford to do that the rest of us can’t. So it should come as no surprise that they have articles about things like concierge services for rich college kids who can’t bother to organize their own lame-ass parties.

Salvador Neme needed some help, and fast.

The 22-year-old Babson College junior was throwing a last-minute party at his Boston apartment and wanted to add a few special touches.

Why doesn’t The Party Store stock caviar fountains? This country is bullshit!

So the undergrad rang his personal concierge.

“I had no idea where to start,” says Mr. Neme, who decided that an authentic mariachi band would be just the thing for his Mexican Independence Day soiree. “Mariachis are hard to find,” says the Mexico City native.

No worries. For $300 a month, Mr. Neme has unlimited access to the seven full-time employees of Boston Collegiate Consulting Group, a local concierge company that helps today’s moneyed students live like the privileged young swells of the Golden Age. BCCG helps its clients find and decorate apartments, get academic tutoring, snag coveted restaurant reservations and handle a litany of other bothersome chores.

Yes, how bothersome it is to have lavish parties. Can’t they just throw themselves?

I understand that there’s money to be made in making things easier for rich people, so naturally companies like this exist, especially for snotty useless rich college kids who will never develop basic life skills because even the tiniest tasks are carried out for them.

But if anything, we should be striving to make life harder for rich kids. I find the lack of Kickstarter projects committed to breaking up or ruining young wealthy people parties highly discouraging. I would donate my money and possibly my time to that.

Sue Battani, founder of Cville Concierge LLC in Charlottesville, Va., says some students are chagrined by their parents’ delegating.

Tensions brewed, for instance, when she organized a golf-themed 21st-birthday party for a student at University of Virginia—under orders from his mother in Epsom, England.

The mother, Lindsay Smart, says her son Henry was initially wary of the party plan, but “as it got nearer, I think he warmed to the idea.” He directed her not to do anything “over the top,” but otherwise gave little guidance on the event, which was for about 25 people.

So many things going against these people.

1. Henry goes to UVA, so of course I hate him and his abundance of Dave Matthews Band posters.
2. He let his MOM organize his 21st birthday.
3. Said party was golf-themed.
4. I’m sure the 25 attendees were all employees of this concierge outfit. This kid sucks even by UVA standards.

Why isn’t there a service where the rest of us can pay to have these rich kids beaten to a pulp at a golf-themed party for an apathetic British kid who goes to UVA? Damn you, cruel world. I need this.