(I needed to give my brain a week off from being Jon Gruden and Herm Edwards so I enlisted the help of EDSBS’s Bunkie Perkins for this week’s edition of Gruden Talk.  You should follow him on Twitter at @BunkiePerkins -Bobby Big Wheel)

Jon: WELCOME TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU DO ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR ST. PATRICK’S DAY?

Herm: JUST WALKED AROUND THE HOUSE IN MY OLD EAGLES HELMET DRINKING GUINNESS.

Jon:  DON’T KNOW THE STUFF.  THIS GUY WON’T DRINK ANYTHING THAT CAN’T BE POURED OUT OF THE TAP AT ANY LOCAL HOOTERS ESTABLISHMENT.  THAT’S BRAND LOYALTY RIGHT THERE, MAN.  ANYHOW, WE’VE GOT A REAL LIVE LEPRECHAUN HERE TO TELL US ALL ABOUT ST. PATRICK’S DAY.  LEPRECHAUN, HOW YA DOIN, MAN?

Peter Dinklage: I’m not a leprechaun, sir.  I am respected film and television actor, Peter Dinklage.

Jon:  OF COURSE YOU’RE A LEPRECHAUN, MAN.  SAYS SO RIGHT HERE ON MY PREP SHEET, “NOTED LEPRECHAUN, PETE DINKLAGE”.  NOW PETE, WE HAD ONE OF YOU GUYS ON MY TEAM BACK IN OAKLAND.  NAPOLEAN KAUFMAN.  LITTLE FELLA BUT COCK LIKE A CLYDESDALE.  DANG THING SWUNG BACK AND FORTH LIKE A WRECKIN’ BALL.

Herm:  HE HAD GREAT LATERAL SPEED.

Peter:  I’m sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about.

Jon:  ‘COURSE YOU DO, MAN.  YOU LEPRECHAUNS ARE ALL ALIKE, MAN.  ALWAYS PLAYIN’ TRICKS AND USIN’ MISDIRECTION TO KEEP PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOUR GOLD.  I LIKE THAT, MAN.  WOULDA LIKED TO HAVE DONE MORE OF THAT IN TAMPA, BUT BRAD JOHNSON COULD ONLY MOVE ONE DIRECTION AT A TIME.  KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’ PETE?

Peter:  I’m sorry, I don’t.  I thought I was coming on your show to talk about Game of Thrones?

Herm:  LIFE!  NOW THAT WAS A GOOD GAME.  I ALWAYS KEPT SPINNING UNTIL I GOT TO BE A DOCTOR.

Jon:  I WAS ALWAYS PARTIAL TO MOUSTRAP.  SIMPLE CONCEPT, INTRICATE IN IT’S SET-UP, PLENTY OF MOVING PARTS, BUT A BEAUTY TO BEHOLD WHEN PLAYED RIGHT.  IT’S THE TRIPLE OPTION OF BOARD GAMES!  ANYHOW, PETE, HOW’D ALL THIS ST. PATRICK’S DAY STUFF START ANYWAY.

Peter: [*sigh*]  I believe it is named for the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick, who, among other things, led the Christian conversion in Ireland.

Jon:  THIS PATRICK, I LIKE WHAT HE DID THERE.  BEING ABLE TO CONVERT AT CRUCIAL TIMES IS THE KEY TO ANY GOOD RELIGIOUS AWAKENING.  HE SHOULDA BROUGHT DREW BREES WITH HIM ON THAT TRIP.  GUY IS NAILS IN THE CLUTCH PLUS THAT THING ON HIS FACE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A POTATO.

Herm: THAT’S THE WAY TO END FAMINES ON THE SCOREBOARD.

Peter:  I believe he was also credited with cursing all of the snakes in the country and driving them out into the sea to drown.

Jon:  YOU SEE, THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHY KENNY STABLER WAS SO INVALUABLE.  GUY HAD GREAT POCKET PRESENCE AND THE ABILITY TO ESCAPE THE RUSH WITH HIS LEGS.

Herm:  GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME CATCHING A SNAKE THAT HAS LEGS!

Peter:  A snake with legs?  I’m sorry. I’m lost.

Jon:  DON’T SWEAT IT, PETE.  WE ARE ALL OUT OF TIME HERE ON GRUDEN TALK.  PLAY US OUTTA HERE, HERM EDAWRDS!

Herm:   O DANNY BOY IN THE KEY OF C COMING ATCHA!