Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, HAVE YOU FOLLOWED THIS GAY MARRIAGE SUPREME COURT CASE?

Herm: NO, BECAUSE I’M SICK OF PEOPLE CONFUSING ME WITH TONY DUNGY.

Jon: WELL LEMME TELL YA, THINGS ARE GETTING PRETTY INTENSE.  THE SUPREME COURT IS GONNA HEAR ARGUMENTS ABOUT IT THIS WEEK. KIDNA LIKE WHEN YOU APPEAL A FINE TO MERTON HANKS.  AND WE GOT THE DEAN OF UC-IRVINE LAW SCHOOL, ERWIN CHEMERINSKY, HERE TO EXPLAIN IT.  HOW YA DOING, ERWIN?

Erwin: I’m doing well, Jon.

Jon: SO SHOOT US STRAIGHT, ERWIN, HOW’S THE SUPREME COURT GONNA RULE ON THIS ONE?

Erwin: Well if you look at previous cases like Romer v. Evans and Lawrence v. Texas it’s actually quite conceivable that the Court would rule against the ban. Justice Kennedy wants to be on the right side of history on this.

Jon: THAT’D BE GREAT IF THEY WERE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE HISTORY.  THAT’S WHY THE NFL JUST BANNED THE TUCK RULE; THEY KNOW THAT I SHOULD’VE MADE THE SUPER BOWL.

Herm: THE SUPREME COURT IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR ITS PAST MISTAKES.

Erwin: Well, in a way, it is.  Bowers v. Hardwick was overturned in only 17 years and Lewis Powell said that he regretted that decision more than any other.

Jon: THIS LEWIS, I CALL HIM BUDDY NIX BECAUSE HE’S A SOUTHERN GENT WHO KEEPS MAKING MISTAKES.  LEWIS POWELL PROBABLY WOULD’VE EXTENDED RYAN FITZPATRICK.

Herm: JUST BECAUSE HE WENT TO HARVARD DOESN’T MEAN HE’S ANY GOOD!

Jon: JUST LIKE THAT TED CRUZ JOKER.

Erwin: Beg pardon?

Jon: THE THING WITH SUPREME COURT JUSTICES IS THEY ALL HAVE LIFETIME EXTENSIONS.  YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL OR YOU’LL HAVE DAVE SOUTER EATING UP YOUR CAP SPACE.

Herm: GEORGE H.W. BUSH SHOULD”VE KNOWN THAT HE’D BE A LIBERAL.

Erwin: Well, Souter was a great jurist, even if his politics were different from Bush’s.

Jon: OF COURSE.  HE WAS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF BUSH V. GORE AFTER ALL.  COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE IRAQ WAR IF EVERYONE ELSE HAD AGREED WITH HIM.  HE’S LIKE THAT REPLACEMENT REF WHO GOT OVERRULED ON THE FAIL MARY.

Herm: IF AL GORE WERE PRESIDENT THEN IRAN WOULD NOT BE A REGIONAL POWER.

Jon: HERM, SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GEOPOLITICS?

Herm: RED LOBSTER PLACEMAT.

Erwin: I’m sorry, what does the court have to do with Red Lobster?

Jon: NOTHING, REALLY.  BUT I GOTTA SAY, THESE COUPLES BRINGING THEIR CASE BEFORE THE COURT, PERSUADING EVERYONE THAT THEY DESERVE THE SAME RIGHTS AS HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES, THAT TAKES THE WILL TO SUCCEED.  THAT’S WHY THE HOLLINGSWORTH DEFENDANTS ARE GRUDEN GRINDERS IN MY BOOK.

Herm: AND YOU KNOW THAT AIN’T THE ONLY THING THEY’RE GRINDING.

Jon: AHHHH, BE QUIET YA BIG DUMMY.

Erwin: I’m totally lost.

Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME ON GRUDEN TALK.  PLAY US OFF, HERM EDWARDS 7.

Herm: IT’S RAINING MEN ON 3!