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The KSK Guide To Surviving The Off-Season

By Christmas Ape / 02.05.13
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Football is over and there won't be any meaningful football for exactly seven months to this day. That's 211 days from now. My God, that sounds like forever and I'm sure the experience of it will feel at least twice as long. The fact that football is over is bad enough, but it's doubly terrible because football ends in the worst of the year. February is terrible. It's still dreary and freezing, and the best options for sports viewing are the NHL and NBA regular seasons.

Rest assured, KSK is here for you. We'll continue with our usual slate of off-season programming, which includes our ridiculous mock drafts, Kill Kill Kill posts, unhinged off-topic rants and whatever else we can do to waste time between now and September. We know we can't do everything to distract you from football withdrawal, but we do have a few suggestions for things to help while away this miserable void.

February is a brutal sports month. Just awful. What a torturous way to be deposited into the off-season. Things start to turn around with the NCAA Tournament, though. As always, all I ask is that Duke get bounced early, preferably by some pissant school like Lehigh. That was so great last year.

Release date: March 26

The third game in the Bioshock series has unfortunately been delayed a few times, but it looks to finally be anchored to its March release date. The first two games are great, and the series is shaking things up by getting out of its underwater setting and taking it to the skies. With the next Grand Theft Auto game not coming out until September, this is the big game release I'm most looking forward to.

Start date: March 31, in case that wasn't clear.

In case the fake George R. R. Martin Super Bowl pick wasn't enough of an indication, we're pretty big "Game of Thrones" fans around these parts. Really, who isn't? I'm serious. Show yourselves. We're gonna do unspeakable things to you.

Release date: May

Netflix is just gonna dump 14 new episodes on us all at once to end the shows seven-year hiatus. I've already put in for time off.

More often than not, I learn about awesome new music just as it's about to come out or soon after it's been released. I'm more a word-of-mouth person when it comes to that. So projecting what new music I'll be listening to far in advance can be somewhat difficult. Of the big albums scheduled or reported to be coming out this year, safe bet that Black Keys and Kanye will be quality. The Black Keys might be a little too embraced as the only safe decent music to play during sports broadcasts, but you know what? Not enough to make them dislike them. They're still awesome.

I watch more of the NHL regular season than the NBA, mostly because NBA players barely give more of a shit than I do before the playoffs. Also, I'm a half-assed Wizards fan. The strongest emotions I have for that franchise is my hatred for Ted Leonsis and my nostalgia for the Bullets. Probably not a good sign. But I'll watch both the NHL and NBA playoffs in their entirety.

Thank goodness there ended up being hockey this year. Could you imagine how godawful February would be without it?

Haha. Just kidding. By the time baseball gets watchable, football season has already started. Sucks for you, baseball. Going to the ballpark every now and then can be pleasant, though.

Release date: July 11

Big summer movies are mostly garbage. I wasn't that into Iron Man 2, but word has it the third one will be better. That's nice. I'm sure I'll see it, but I'm still not that excited. Instead, give me the movie about giant robots fighting giant aliens directed by macabre superdork Guillermo del Toro. Is that the voice from the Portal games? Glad it's getting Hollywood roles. The trailer looks nice.

Book released: June 18

Speaking of macabre superdorks, Neil Gaiman is doing his last-ever book tour this summer. I haven't read as much of his stuff as I should, but he has a legion of obsessed fans. Plus, we had to include something literary to look smart. Totally worked, I bet.

Start date: Summer

Sucks that we have to wait almost as long for this as we do for more football, but wait breathlessly we shall.

Ah, blessed booze, sustainer of my soul. The only thing that enabled me to live blog 50+ games this season for this goddamn blog. Alcohol, my sweet, my pet, my muse, my downfall. You'll see us through the doldrums. You've never let us down yet.

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