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Yep, a second straight food draft. It’s probably because I think about food constantly, especially when I’m trying to lose weight.
F*cking USA Today had to go and create potato chip power rankings on the same day we held our draft. Oh well, only Chris Chase fetishists read that stuff, right? (Hi Dan and Jamie!) Each of us will pick our favorite available flavor of potato chip, along with a preferred brand. Once a flavor is selected that flavor is off the board, even if you are going with a rival brand. This is potato chips only, so don’t bring that corn chip bullsh*t in here.
Seems simple enough, right? No, it was a total mess.
1. Ape: Lay’s Kettle Cooked Original
2. Drew: Cape Cod Kettle Sweet Mesquite Barbecue Kettle Chips
Barbecue chips never stop being good. Ever.
3. CC: Ruffles Sour Cream & Cheddar
The crack cocaine of potato chips.
4. UM: Miss Vickie’s Sea Salt & Vinegar
I’m a huge fan of the whole S&V genre for their addictive pungency and…uh…saltiness. Miss Vickie’s has become a favorite brand of mine. What I didn’t know until today is that Miss Vickie nothing more than a whore for the man. I thought I was indie. Still, awesome chips, Vickie.
5. Flubby: Grippo’s Barbecue (Original Style)
They are the best.
6. Sarah: Trader Joe’s Cooked Olive Oil Kettle Chips
Possibly one of the most addicting chips ever created behind the Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheese. They’re extra crunchy, extra salty and extra greasy. (And they’re cheap.)
First round recap: OK, it took us quite a while to get the point of the draft hammered out. Ape wanted to draft kettle style chips, rather than a particular flavor. Then we argued for a bit about the point of the draft. Then he took Lay’s. Then Drew jokingly drafted ruffled chips, at which point he farted (probably). In the end Ape went with a classic to start things off.
Since there are so many kinds of barbecue chips we’re classifying Drew’s as the sweet mesquite variety, that left other types such as Flubby’s “original” and the classic Utz Carolina BBQ on the board. Because this draft wasn’t nearly complex enough.
7. Sarah: Herr’s Salt & Pepper Chips
8. Flubby: TGI Friday’s Cheddar & Bacon Potato Skins
Pretty sure these and Arnold Palmers keep Walgreens in business.
9. UM: Route 11 Chesapeake Crab
Quite possibly my single favorite chip. Certainly worth a first round pick, but I had a feeling they’d still be around later. Savvy drafting, other Jack.
10.CC: Kettle brand Jalapeno
My favorite Kettle chip flavor is Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper, but with that flavor off the board I’ll settle for this.
11.Drew: Ruffles Sour cream and Onion
12.Ape: Lay’s Chicken and Waffles
Second round recap: The biggest shock of the draft has to be sour cream and onion lasting into the double digits. That’s a blue chip chip. The Neon Boudeaux of neighborhood bodegas. Flubby took a chip that may or may not still be around. With TGI Friday’s re-branding you never really know. Ape tried to draft Sun Chips (no potato content) because he’s pulling off the greatest troll draft since I tried to take peanuts in the desert island fruit draft. We are horrible at this, but at least they aren’t real mock drafts.
Make your picks in the comments, and feel free to suggest future drafts for us to botch.
I want more like this!
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