Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU SEE THE VIDEO OF THE RUSSIAN METEOR LAST WEEK?

Herm: THE ONLY TAPE I WATCH IS FOOTBALL TAPE BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU KEEP TELLING ME TO DO.

Jon: WELL I’M PROUD OF YA HERM, BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW THAT YOU CAN WATCH TAPE OF ANYTHING IF YOU REALLY WANT TO ACHIEVE.  IN FACT, RUSSIA IS FULL OF PEOPLE TAPING STUFF ON THEIR DASHBOARD CAMS.  A LOT OF GRUDEN GRINDERS OUT THERE.  ANYWAY, WE GOT THE DIRECTOR OF THE HAYDEN PLANETARIUM, NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON, TO TALK ABOUT THE RUSSIAN METEOR.

Neil: Thank you for having me.

Jon: NEIL, I GOTTA ASK YA, WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE LASER ZEPPELIN SHOWS AT THE PLANETARIUM?  THAT WAS A SURE FIRE WAY TO GET SOME TAIL BACK IN MY SINGLE DAYS.  THERE AIN’T NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN TAMPA THAN SEE LASER ZEPPELIN AND USE PERSONAL WATERCRAFT.

Neil: Well we’re really more focused on educating the public about the cosmos, and recent events involving Asteroid 2012 DA14 and the Russian meteor have driven home the importance of our mission.

Jon: I HEAR YA. BLOWING UP THE ASTEROID IN ARMAGEDDON WAS A PRETTY IMPORTANT MISSION.

Herm: I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE BRUCE WILLIS DIE.

Neil: Actually the plot of Armageddon is highly inaccurate.  If an asteroid really were on track to strike Earth we would probably use an explosive device to nudge it in a different direction, not blow it up.

Jon: REALLY?  THE LAST TIME A MOVIE WAS THAT INACCURATE IT WAS THE LAST BOY SCOUT.  A TRUE PROFESSIONAL RUNNING BACK WOULD NOT CARRY A GUN ONTO THE FIELD.  EXCEPT BAM MORRIS.

Herm: I WOULD HAVE SUSPENDED A PLAYER WHO SHOT THE OTHER TEAM.

Neil: I’m sorry, I never saw The Last Boy Scout.  I thought I was here to talk about recent astronomical events.

Jon: YOU WANNA TALK ASTRONOMICAL?  BOOGER MCFARLAND ONCE REPORTED TO CAMP 50 POUNDS OVER WEIGHT.  BUT TWO-A-DAYS WHIPPED HIM BACK INTO SHAPE.

Herm: YOU CAN’T BE A GRUDEN GRINDER IF YOU DON’T DO TWO-A-DAYS.

Neil: When I say “astronomical” I mean events like the meteor that hit central Russia last week.

Jon: YES, CAN YOU EXPLAIN IF RUSSIA WILL GET A SUPERMAN OUT OF THIS?

Neil: I don’t think Russia will get a superman from this meteor, no.

Jon: I DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT RUSSIA GETTING A SUPERMAN BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE FOOTBALL OVER THERE.  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH A SUPERMAN DISCIPLINE IF HE CAN’T RUN A SIMPLE DRAW PLAY?

Herm: SUPERMAN WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT QUARTERBACK.

Neil: I’m just totally lost.

Jon: NEIL, YOU’RE A BRIGHT GUY WHO DECIDED TO HANG OUT WITH A COUPLE OF DUMMIES FOR A LITTLE BIT ON A MONDAY NIGHT.  REMINDS ME OF MY TIME WITH JAWS AND TIRICO IN THE BOOTH.  SO YOU’RE AN OFFICIAL GRUDEN GRINDER.

Neil: I’ll put it next to my NASA Distinguished Service Medal

Jon: ANYWAY, THAT’S IT FOR GRUDEN TALK THIS WEEK.  HERM EDWARDS 7, PLAY US OFF.

Herm: YOU KNOW WE’RE GONNA HAVE GROUND CONTROL CALL MAJOR TOM UP IN HERE!