Jumping shirtless into a cactus is the physical equivalent of the mental masochism required to dive into Peter King’s column each week. The MMQB takedown will be posted later this morning, once I get through pitifully squealing like this dude.

— Donovan McNabb congratulated Danica Patrick for winning the Daytona 500 when she only secured the pole for the race. That’s a highly McNabb thing. How does overtime in racing work?

— Awful Announcing suggests six experts or pundits to replace current NFL studio show talking heads. I was with them until they suggested CBS’ Pete Prisco. Holy hell, I thought the point of this was making things less pointless and trolly.

— Today is the first day that teams can apply the franchise tag. Gregg Rosenthal says there’s a decent chance the Colts will use theirs on Pat McAfee, which is great. People always love it when teams franchise a kicker or a punter.

— An anonymous Steelers teammate said LaMarr Woodley was awful last season and that the linebacker is always slow and out of shape. Sounds like a spurned James Harrison upset that Woodley didn’t join his off-season dodgeball team.

— The Colts won’t attempt to re-sign Dwight Freeney, so he’ll sign with another team that will let him play defensive end again and get back to his signature spin moves off the line.

— The story of how the Cowboys passed on drafting LeSean McCoy in 2009. The details aren’t as amusing as the fact that it happened, but it’s always nice to take an extra few minutes to savor Dallas schadenfreude.