In fact, the two future Hall of Famers are still there in the bowels of Sports Authority Something or Other At Mile High Stadium. Their eyes remain fixed on one another, the memories of so many prepackaged television features exchanged with nothing more than a glance. If they just stayed there, how long until ESPN broke away from all coverage of everything to broadcast ’round-the-clock footage of their standoff. I’d give it an hour and a half, tops.

Eventually, Peyton Manning presses his android neck against Ray-Ray’s mechanical arm and at last they feel robot love.