The Sean Taylor Memorial Meast for Week 17 is Alfred Morris, who rushed for 200 yards and scored three touchdowns in the Redskins’ division-clinching victory over the Cowboys. Morris is a likeable player who says he has no designs on stardom. Which is good, because once Mike Shanahan starts the 2013 season by giving half of Morris’ carries to another back that Shanny picks up in the 6th round, any possibility of stardom will have vanished. So enjoy it while you can, Alfred.
Also receiving consideration: Adrian Peterson, DeAngelo Williams, Vontae Davis, Darius Reynaud
The Jeff George Memorial Least of Week 17 is Tony Romo, who did what Tony Romo always does come clutch time. Romobyl, as some of our commenters have come to call it. An apocalyptic choking. You know, sometimes it’s unfair when the media brands a player a choke artist. It’s not always accurate. But, oh man, they definitely nailed it with Romo. This man is a choking virtuoso. He’s changed the way we all think about choking. When the media gives Matt Ryan and the Falcons grief for not winning playoff games, it actually seems mean. Because, yeah, Atlanta has gone one-and-done in the playoffs a lot recently, but they don’t have the consistency of critical derps that Romo has produced.
Also receiving consideration: Matt Schaub, Mark Sanchez, the Eagles
The KSK Meast of 2012 is Adrian Peterson. This man better win MVP or else every voter is getting a barbecue skewer through the eye. Even if that means people who voted for him get one. You’re responsible for educating your fellow media whores. Peterson has been so great that Peter King spent his whole column this week carping that he had to rethink that MVP vote that he probably decided to give Peyton Manning in September. The media so loves giving Peyton plaudits, it takes a herculean effort to make them even consider not giving Peyton every award, including coach of the year, ‘CAUSE WE ALL KNOW PEYTON IS SECRETLY THE COACH OF THAT TEAM. So thank you for (hopefully) sparing us that, A.P.
The KSK Least of 2012 is Roger Goodell. I’m not even sure how he’s still commissioner at this point. Goodell isn’t responsible for everything wrong with the NFL these days, but every single thing he is responsible for, he fucked up royal this year. The bountygate fiasco. The scab refs. Suggesting to expand the playoff format. It’s gotten so bad for Goodell that he can’t even level his knee-jerk suspensions for hits players can barely control anymore. Goodell used to be able to suspend just about any player with impunity. Yet the suspension handed out to Ed Reed was overturned within a day. If Goodell hadn’t lost so much power, he would have suspended Bill Belichick for grabbing a ref in Week 3. Couldn’t do it because no one could blame Grumblelord for being pissed at the incompetence that Goodell was responsible for. Goodell has lost most of the power he once abused. Not sure a hollow tryant is any better than a potent one. It is the solemn duty of everyone in New Orleans to make this asshole’s Super Bowl week as abjectly miserable as possible.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.