Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU CATCH THE PRESIDENT’S RE-INAUGURATION.

Herm: WHEN MICHELLE OBAMA IS WEARING BANGS YOU KNOW I’M GONNA TUNE IN.

Jon: YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS.  HER STYLIST IS A REAL GRUDEN GRINDER.  ANYWAY, OUR NEXT GUEST KNOWS A LOT ABOUT PRESIDENTS’ SECOND TERMS AND NAILING BLACK CHICKS.  PLEASE WELCOME FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE WILLIAM COHEN.

William: Thank you, I think.

Jon: WILLIAM, I GOTTA ASK YOU, WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA’S SECOND TERM?

William: President Clinton, like  many most second term presidents, focused on foreign policy in his second term.

Jon: I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FOLLOW UP A CHAMPIONSHIP SEASON.  AFTER I WON THE SUPER BOWL IN 2002 WE WENT 7-9 THE NEXT YEAR BECAUSE WE HAD TAKEN OVERCOMING ADVERSITY FOR GRANTED.  

Herm: IF I’D EVER MADE IT PAST THE DIVISIONAL ROUND I’D DO THE SAME.

Jon: THE ONLY GRUDEN GRINDER KEYSHAWN JOHNSON EARNED THAT YEAR WAS THE MEATBALL SUB HE’D EAT DURING POSITION MEETINGS.

William: Uhh, I’m not sure what you mean.

Jon: YOU’RE A REPUBLICAN WHO WORKED FOR A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT.  THIS WILLIAM, I CALL HIM MONTE KIFFIN BECAUSE HE’S WILLING TO WORK FOR A GUY THAT HE DOESN’T LIKE.

Herm: MONTE KIFFIN DIDN’T LIKE YOU?

Jon: NO, HE AND I WERE BUDS.  HE HATES LANE KIFFIN’S GUTS THOUGH.

William: While I agree that Lane Kiffin sucks, President Clinton and I had a cordial relationship.

Herm: LOVE ME SOME CHERRY CORDIALS.

Jon: HE AIN’T TALKING ABOUT CANDY YA BIG DUMMY.  SO WHAT CAN PRESIDENT OBAMA EXPECT IN HIS SECOND TERM THAT WILL BE DIFFERENT FROM HIS FIRST TERM?

William: Well he has to be worried about not being taken serious electorally but it seems like he’s going to avoid that by keeping OFA active.

Jon: YOU GOTTA AVOID BEING MADE IRRELEVANT.  THAT’S WHY I MADE JEFF GARCIA MY QUARTERBACK.  I ENJOY A CHALLENGE.

Herm: WHEN JEFF GARCIA’S YOUR QUARTERBACK THE COACH HAS TO PICK UP THE SLACK.

William: A president’s challenge in a second term isn’t necessarily irrelevance, it’s the ability to leverage your position against Congres.

Jon: CONGRESS, LEMME TELL YA.  THERE ISN’T A MORE UNPOPULAR GROUP OF GUYS THIS SIDE OF THE FASCISTS ON THE COMPETITION COMMITTEE.

Herm: JEFF FISHER IS A SON OF A BITCH.

Jon: SO I GOTTA ASK YA, WILLIAM.  ISN’T BILL POLIAN AN UPTIGHT PIECE OF CRAP?

William: I’m sorry, I don’t follow.

Jon: THIS POLIAN, I CALL HIM CHAIRMAN MAO BECAUSE HE’S A DICTATOR WITH BAD TEETH.

Herm: AIN’T NOBODY LIKES BILL POLIAN.

Jon: SO WILLIAM, DO YOU THINK THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WILL DO A BETTER JOB THAN BILL POLIAN? BECAUSE HIS LAST FOUR YEARS WERE PRETTY BAD.

William: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME HERE ON GRUDEN TALK.  BANDLEADER HERM, PLAY US OFF.

Herm: ALRIGHT HERM EDWARDS 7, TIME FOR US TO PLAY BILLS BY DESTINY’S CHILD.