Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT TOPICS OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY LEGALIZED MARIJUANA IN WASHINGTON AND COLORADO LAST YEAR?

Herm: OF COURSE I DO, THOSE ARE AFC WEST STATES.  AND I COACHED IN THE AFC WEST.

Jon: YOU KNOW I’M AN AFC WEST GUY TOO.  GLAD THEY ONLY LEGALIZED IT AFTER I STOPPED COACHING.  PLAYERS GOTTA WATCH TAPE AND IF THEY’RE SMOKING DOPE THEN THEY’LL WATCH AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE INSTEAD.  ANYWAY, OUR GUEST TODAY IS DR. DALE GIERINGER, WHO’S A BOARD MEMBER AT NORML.  DALE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

Dale: Pleasure to be here.

Jon: DALE, THIS DRUG WAR, I CALL IT THE WING-T OFFENSE BECAUSE IT’S OBSOLETE.

Dale: I agree completely, Jon.

Jon: YOU NEED TO GO TO THE COMPETITION COMMITTEE AND ASK FOR A RULE CHANGE.  FOR THE GOOD OF THE GAME.

Herm: WHEN THE RULES AIN’T WORKING YOU GOTTA ASK JEFF FISHER TO CHANGE THEM.

Dale: Well, unlike the NFL, it’s a bit more difficult.  We’ve found that state initiatives are the best way to advance legalization.

Jon: TOO BAD THAT VIOLATES FEDERAL LAW.  NOW WE HAVE SOME AMAZING FEDERALISM ACTION.  YOU GOT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ON ONE SIDE, THE STATES AND THE TENTH AMENDMENT ON THE OTHER.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL A RIVALRY!

Herm: STATES AND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ARE LIKE THE FALCONS AND SAINTS.

Jon: LEMME TELL YA, ONE OF THE WORST THINGS ABOUT COACHING IN TAMPA IS YOU DON’T HAVE A NATURAL RIVAL.  WHO WAS I SUPPOSED TO HATE?  THE PANTHERS? JOHN FOX IS A BORING OLD FART.

Dale: I’m not sure where you’re going with this.

Jon: I BET JOHN FOX DOESN’T WANT TO LEGALIZE POT.  BUT I’M ALL FOR IT.  YOU CAN’T PACK A BOWL WITHOUT YOUR GRUDEN GRINDER!

Herm: YOU NEED TO GRIND YOUR WEED IF YOU’RE GOING TO SMOKE IT.

Dale: You’re right, but I’m not sure what this has to do with the legalization battle.

Jon: YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT A BATTLE?  HOW ABOUT THE GIANTS AND THE EAGLES.  THOSE GUYS HATE EACH OTHER.  HERM, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT FIRSTHAND.

Herm: JOE PISARCIK GOT NIGHTMARES ABOUT ME.

Dale: I’m sorry, aren’t we supposed to be discussing marijuana legalization efforts.

Jon: DALE, LEMME TELL YA, MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION IS A LOT LIKE FOOTBALL.  THE AVERAGE JOE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS SO YOU GOTTA BREAK DOWN THE TAPE TO SHOW HIM HOW THE BLUE RIGHT 34 COUNTER PLAY WORKS.  YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR MESSAGE, AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE A PH.D AND A GRUDEN GRINDER.

Dale: Thank you, I think?

Jon: ANYWAY, DALE, IT’S BEEN GREAT HAVING YOU BUT THAT’S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE ON GRUDEN TALK FOR TODAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, YOU’RE HIGH RIGHT NOW AREN’T YOU?

Herm: I SMOKED THE FERN PLANT IN THE DRESSING ROOM BEFORE THE SHOW BUT IT DIDN’T GET ME HIGH

Jon: PLAY US OFF YOU BIG WEIRDO.

Herm: DOOBIE BROTHERS ON THREE, HERM EDWARDS 7!