[Norv and A.J. Smith enter Dean Spanos office]
SPANOS: Gentleman, come in, I just had to wrestle a bag of feces away from my son John, so you’ll excuse me if I don’t shake your hand.
AJ: Before you say anything, let me tell you how excited I am for this draft. There’s a linebacker out of Sarah Lawrence college, He doesn’t even play football right now and in fact is a woman, but I saw her eating at a Chipotle the other day and I think she’ll be available at the tenth pick.
SPANOS: That’s not why I’ve called you in.
NORV: Is it because of that recipe I gave you for salted hot water soup? I said a teaspoon of salt, but I know that can be a bit much for some people.
SPANOS: No, gentleman, it pains me to say this, because it means I will have to at some point pay someone else money, but… I’m going to have to let you go—
AJ: — and release some players who just aren’t working out. Got it. I’m thinking we let Weddle go and re-re-sign Mathews. We need to lock that fucker UP.
SPANOS: What I’m trying to say is, you’re all fired.
NORV: (Opens a Brach’s candy, calmly inserts it in his mouth) I am so unbelievably upset. Sir, with all do respect, next year is our year. It’s a sure thing we make the Super Bowl. We have 4th and 29-style odds of having a great season. Plus, I just bought a tan Chevy Malibu to enjoy the mild summer climate here.
AJ: Dean, Dean-o, you can’t fire me. Who’re you gonna put in my place? I mean, you’re not seriously going to let…
[JOHN SPANOS ENTERS COVERED IN BLOOD]
JOHN SPANOS: Daddy, I pee peed on that pretty lady you bought me and then she cried so I hit her with my Legos until she stopped.
DEAN: I’ll take care of it. Just go call Andy Reid like I told you to.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.