Well, this is the kind of performance that gets you called a clownfraud by media provocateurs, so Texans fans should enjoy the fallout of this game unless they magically find a way to stop shitting the bed on every snap. Houston finally put together what might have been a scoring drive, but they attempted a 4th down in field goal range out of desperation and would have had it if Kevin Walter hadn’t derped away a catch.

Aaron Hernandez has two touchdowns. On the second of them, no one bothered to cover him. Houston appears unable to cover Welker so far either. When Gruden tells us that Welker leads the league in runafterthecatchability, there’s only so much you can do.

That vaunted Texans defense did next to nothing through a quarter and a half before finally getting three consecutive three-and-outs, which is the only thing keeping this from being a 30-point deficit. Nevertheless, no sacks and getting shredded in the early going is what they have to show for the half. Dreamboat had three touchdown passes by the time the game was a few minutes into the second quarter. So far it’s the Patriots’ front seven that has the deflected passes at the line, including one on a 3rd and short. Yeah, we have to grudgingly admit that Aqib Talib was a good acquisition for them, which sucks because it reinforces the “Belichick can rehab anybody” narrative, even when that hasn’t always been the case, i.e. Chad Johnson, Albert Haynesworth, etc.

Oh yeah, and this happened: