Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK,  THE TALK SHOW THAT DISCUSSES THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  WE’VE BEEN HEARING A LOT ABOUT THIS FISCAL CLIFF IN WASHINGTON.  I’VE KNOWN A LOT OF CLIFFS IN MY DAY AND IF THIS IS ANYTHING LIKE CLIFF STOUDT THEN WE’RE ALL IN TROUBLE.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CLIFF STOUDT?

Herm: WHEN YOU HAVE A BAD ARM YOU’RE GONNA  BE A BACKUP.

Jon: AMEN, BROTHER.  ANYWAY OUR NEXT GUEST DAVID STOCKMAN IS HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE FISCAL CLIFF.  DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

David: I’m doing well, Jon.

Jon: SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FISCAL CLIFF.  THIS CLIFF, I CALL IT THE WIDE-NINE BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE WHY PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK.

David: Well the so-called fiscal cliff is a negotiating ploy to get the President and Congress to agree to a deficit reduction framework.

Jon: YOU KNOW WHO’S GREAT AT REDUCING A DEFICIT?  ELI MANNING.  THIS GUY, I CALL HIM BILL CLINTON BECAUSE HE CAN OVERCOME A DEFICIT IN ANY SITUATION.

Herm: WHEN YOU HAVE A DEFICIT YOU WANT ELI MANNING ON YOUR TEAM.

Jon: SO DAVID, HOW DO YOU THINK ELI MANNING WOULD REDUCE THE DEFICIT?

David: I don’t think that really applies to this situation.  The deficit refers to the federal government’s gap between revenues and expenditures.

Jon: THAT’S WHY I ALWAYS PREACHED GAP CONTROL TO MY TEAMS.  IT’S HOW WE GOT BOOGER MCFARLAND TO MAKE THE PRO BOWL

Herm: MAN NAMED BOOGER NEEDS A GOOD COACH TO MAKE THE PRO BOWL.

David: I didn’t come onto this show to talk about boogers I’m afraid.

Jon: NAH THAT’S JUST A NICKNAME.  YOU WORKED FOR REAGAN, I BET DUTCH HAD SOME GOOD NICKNAMES FOR HIS STAFF.

David: Well, he called his chief of staff “Dad” a lot.  Especially when he woke up cranky from a nap.

Jon: I HEAR THAT.  MONTE KIFFIN SLEPT 15 HOURS A DAY AND YOU DID NOT WANT TO MESS WITH HIM WHEN HE FIRST WOKE UP.  ONE TIME RONDE BARBER BUGGED HIM RIGHT AFTER HE GOT OUT OF HIS COACH COT AND MONTE SMASHED HIS DENTURES AGAINST RONDE’S HEAD.  BUT RONDE WOULDN’T LET 5 STITCHES END HIS CONSECUTIVE GAMES STREAK BECAUSE HE WAS A REAL GRUDEN GRINDER!

Herm: COACHES LOVE PLAYERS WHO PLAY EVERY GAME.

David: This interview has gone off the rails.

Jon: WELL YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS GONE OFF THE RAILS?  THESE NEGOTIATIONS..  NOW ON THE ONE HAND YOU GOT THE REPUBLICANS.  THESE REPUBLICANS, I CALL THEM THE PATRIOTS BECAUSE THEY HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WIN IT ALL SINCE 2004.  THEY GOTTA FIGURE OUT THAT THE DEMOCRATS, ALSO KNOWN AS THE GIANTS, ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE THE MANDATE TO DRIVE THE BALL DOWN THE FIELD AND OVERCOME THIS DEFICIT.

Herm: YOU OVERCOME THE DEFICIT WITH TAX INCREASES.

David: I think what you’re saying makes sense but I’ve lost track.

Jon: THAT’S OK BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME ON GRUDEN TALK THIS WEEK.  HERM, PLAY US OFF WITH SOME MONEY MUSIC.

Herm: ALRIGHT HERM EDWARDS SEVEN, LET’S HIT EM WITH SOME FOR THE LOVE OF THE MONEY!