This looks like a job for social services. From reader Ryan:

You guys, a dipshit friend of mine did this to his child. Where does he live you ask? Florida? Miami? Maybe Cuba? Nope. New Mexico. Do with it what you will.

Woof.

Were it not for the New Mexico detail, I would suspect this to be the work of our old friend, Bald Guy With Dolphins Tattoo Pate Plus Eeyore For Some Reason. As for the Dolphins themselves, today they face the Colts in the “nobody believed this would be mutually consequential game”. Pundits have been fond of noting that if the playoffs began after Week 8 that Miami and Indy would both qualify for the playoffs as Wild Cards, for whatever that’s worth, which is nothing.

As much as this season’s “Hard Knocks” made me dislike Joe Philbin for his mumbly killjoyery, I suppose I have to begrudgingly admit he’s done a fine job in his first season as head coach. Chuck Pagano plans to be in attendance today in Indianapolis, making this the first game he’s been at since his leukemia diagnosis. So the Colts should be extra #Chuckstrong today, I guess.

Your early game slate, as rated for potential watchability by KSK’s patented four- and sometimes five-star system:

Denver at Cincinnati **
Baltimore at Cleveland **
Arizona at Green Bay ***
Buffalo at Houston **
Miami at Indianapolis ***
Detroit at Jacksonville *
Chicago at Tennessee *
Carolina at Washington ** (Election superstition bullsh*t game!)