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The Best Moments From Week 12 Sunday

By Christmas Ape / 11.26.12

Because it's the week of Thanksgiving games, the Sunday slate is a little smaller than it could have been otherwise, but then bye weeks ended in Week 11, so it all balances out.

Those who had to rely on regional coverage to watch the Vikings-Bears game had the feed cut out on them because FOX deemed the game not competitive enough to merit being broadcast until the end. Not surprisingly, that alienated more than a few Bears and Vikes fans who wanted to see the game in its entirety. In an attempt to be the worst, FOX even had the pointless Twitter account for Cleatus poke fun at those miffed that they couldn't see the rest of the game.

That's quality antagonism. Naturally, a lot of people didn't take kindly to that being retweeted by FOX Sports official feed either.

Even those who fork over a ton of money for Sunday Ticket couldn't get the feed of the game when the network decided to make the shift. This happens frequently when are close finishes during the 1 p.m. slate, yet some of the late afternoon games have already started. That's probably something that DirecTV should work to remedy, but I'm not holding my breath for a fix to come anytime soon.

Onto the GIFs and videos and such.

Norval Sex

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Forced oral in the Qualcomm stands is probably similarly awful compared to the experience of cheering for a Norv coached team. Though you're not helping Philip Rivers concentrate by stirring up his Biblical outrage with acts he would describe as unnatural.

Behold the face of Breesus

Drew Brees doesn't mind if you sack him. In fact, he'll enhance the experience by making this contorted face for you as he's dragged to the ground.

I'm so sorry

Terry Bradshaw's voice is repellent enough as is, so it's only in the interest of the most masochistic readers to listen to this clip of him acting like a tent rivalry preacher.

Fumbleholic Al Qaeda Slut

There were so many laughable Steelers fumble to choose from yesterday, but this one by Rashard Mendenhall had to be the best, based solely on how little it took to force it out.

A Steelers back did a good thing before more bad things

Pretty good save on that touchdown run by Chris Rainey. Of course, only Boss Todd would see the wisdom of trying to cram your smallest running back up the gut on the last play from scrimmage before half. It was the one questionable decision that broke his way on Sunday.

Bonecrusher in and out of bounds

Bernard Pollard will tackle you into bench if he has to. Whatever it takes fill his injury quota for the game. Fun fact: no flag for this hit.

Some Coaches Are Just Dicks

Pollard was indeed flagged later in the game for a hit on a defenseless receiver well after a pass sailed out of bounds. The refs technically ruled it a hit to the head, which it was not. That prompted this clinic of referee tackling by John Harbaugh.

Checkdown Clininc

Obligatory.

Lofty Shank

Matt Bryant shanking a 22-yard attempt was one of the more impressive feats of the day based on the sheer difficulty of the derp. Not gonna say that a random guy could hit that every time, no problem, but a pro kicker has to try pretty hard to miss that badly from that range.

X-Marty

Marty B saved a fan who stumbled over the railing as Bennett was trying to hand his gloves to a nearby kid. That should earn him a pass next time he says something borderline offensive on the Internet. Better still, he thinks of himself as a member of the X-Men, even if it's stupid lame Cyclops.

"I just did what any superhero would do: Saved his life," Bennett said. "(Shoot). I'm like Scott Summers. You know who Scott Summers is? Cyclops off X-Men. ... My first instinct was to step back, like, 'Oh, (shoot),' but I did the righteous thing ... So I caught him and then slowly tried to pull him down, but then I tripped over somebody and we all fell."

Nice job. If Marty B is ever caught yelling "OPTIC BLAST!", I'm buying his jersey regardless of team affiliation.

Goodfeathers

A bunch of pigeons were hanging on the field for a long stretch of Steelers-Browns. I won't make the joke that they were better organized than the play going on, because that's sad truth, not jokes.

Gonna miss you, Gobble Neck

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Scroteface Norval has to be done after this season. It won't quite be the same laughing at San Diego without him. Not that I think they'll hire a vastly superior replacement, because, c'mon, this is the Chargers. But unless they bring in Tommy Maddox to coach the team, their sideline will be sadly devoid of one of the game's premier turkey necks.

Bengals fans kinda don't like Carson


So Cincinnati people have some rage to work out with Carson Palmer. I get that Carson was resistant to playing toward the end of his tenure with the Bengals, but the guy's been gone for a little while now. Plus, the team was able to swindle the shit out of the Raiders in the trade that got him out of town. If anything, there should have been fondness in his departure. Nevertheless, Cincy people can hold a grudge, apparently.

And they can also hold onto Carson Palmer jerseys until there's a proper occasion to burn them. A lot of that was going on yesterday.

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Big Fat Party Animal

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Not sure who this Miami assistant is, but I wanna know where he was when "Hard Knocks" was going on? Perhaps he was a midseason addition to counteract the dull scowls of Joe Philbin. Let's hope so. Anyway, SB Nation already made the DadBoner reference. Fitting, as I figure if any team is willing to embrace Guy Fieri, it's the Dolphins.

Bowling for Unibrows

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"What's that celebration?" "Obviously, you're not a golfer."

Hisssssss

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We already shared how Cutler was penalized for throwing the ball at a Vikings player after a run for a first down. Cutty also took time to tie one of his lineman's shoes, but that's too kind to gibe with our usual theme of mocking him for dickish acts. Instead, here's him shouting bad words after a receiver's drop.

Baby Purple Knee Jesus

Dr. James Andrews has likely seen his share of baby knees in his day. That's fine. The man is a world renowned surgeon. I just don't need to hear about how Adrian Peterson's knee resembled the inside of a newborn's knee after his surgery.


 

I want more like this!

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