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The Best Moments From Panthers-Eagles

By Christmas Ape / 11.27.12
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Another week gone by and the Phillies have still won a game more recently than the Eagles have. The best would be if the Flyers won a game before the next time the Eagles did. And that's with the NHL losing a full season to the lockout.

Not that Andy Reid had any chance of salvaging his job with a good performance in a prime time game against another team, but he couldn't even deliver a win at home against the lowly Panthers. And so now Philly is at the very bottom of the NFC and Reid will have his blubber flayed with rusted steak knives dug out of the trash. Or so I imagine.

The game itself was full of classic Andy Reid blunders. Poor clock management at the end of the first half. A desperation attempt at a two-point conversion with tons of time left in the game. That conversion not working. I'm actually kind of sad that the Eagles fumbled away that last kickoff when the Panthers only extended their lead to eight points late. The best ending would have been the Eagles scoring a touchdown. Reid then forces them, down eight, to line up to kick an extra point and he waddles off the field with both middle fingers raised.

Alas, instead, he's just gonna get fired like a regular bad coach.

Anyway, best moments. Get at 'em.

Eagles tackling each other. If only one of them had a LaFell jersey, that never would have happened.

Speaking of which, the Eagles didn't bother to cover someone and it ended about how you'd expect. This was the second straight game where the Eagles gave up a touchdown pass because they just didn't bother to cover a receiver. I see no reason why that streak won't extend through the rest of the season.

Jon Gruden really had a thing for cars during this game. There was an extended segment to kill garbage time in which he talked about about the Buick LeSabres that he, Andy Reid and Steve Mariucci drove when they were assistants on the Packers coaching staff in the early '90s. Also, Gruden compared Cam Newton to a luxury car. I think Gruden has been car shopping recently. Or maybe he's openly campaigning for the Carolina job.

Yes, Cam, nothing is more swaggerific than uninspired takes on that old Mastercard ad campaign from at least a decade ago.

Though I guess that touchdown drive is sufficiently swaggerific or whatever swaggy term you want to attach to it.

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That's right, Lurie. This loss of a game that didn't really affect anything is on your head. Have fun sleeping on your piles of money now. Leveling shitty looks at the crowd won't force their silence.

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What I really like about this is the reworked lyrics for "Fly, Eagles, Fly" for firing Andy Reid. Seems like a disposable thing once Andy gets shitcanned in a month, but I hope he hangs on to it for hating sentiment.

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Based on the shape of that bag, this might be the front view of that same fan. That it commitment to costume. What I enjoy most about that is that this man in my mind is employed and too lazy to put together his resume for perspective employers. If only there were a way he could monetize hating on Eagles coaches, he would be set.

And not only because you didn't hold the L out the right way for the camera.

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That's the great thing about shitty retread coaches. The longer they're out of the game, the more their worst blunders fade out of memory. All people can recall is their best accomplishments. Because of that Jon Gruden is a cherished treasure. A few years back, people would have been, like, "Chucky? Oh no, that fuckup?" I think that's why Bill Cowher has stayed away for so long. By the time he's ready to come back, some desperate NFL team is gonna give him a majority ownership stake just to take them to the playoffs a few times and never win a Super Bowl.

Bryce Brown looked good early in the game before he had a bunch of fumbles. He even broke off a long touchdown run. That actually made me go pick in him up in one of my leagues, much to my later chagrin. Either way, said touchdown run made Jon Gruden exclaim that he loves football, a thing no one ever expected of him.

Sunday Soundtracks. That's a great moment of typical Marvin Lewis. The Bengals are winning and generally on the rise and he still sounds defeated and resigned to failure. Glad he stays the same no matter what.

Punch Rockgroin

In the pre-production meeting, the suggestion that the sprinklers come on in the studio as a gag.
Berman quickly shouted that one down.

HoustonHydra

THIS JOHNATHAN STEWART AND DEANGELO WILLIAMS, I CALL THEM DOUBLE TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY STICK THEIR DICKS IN EVERY HOLE.

Brian

We should never let any Charlotte team change their colors, you know so we never again repeat the mistakes of early 90s color selections

Lemonade Holes Franklin

They’re really just hungry for booze.

Gratliff

Lurie partaking in a favorite stadium activity of mine, tit-hunting.

Mike McCarthyism

I assume the reason Andy Reid hasn’t been fired yet is because his contract dictates that his replacement must defeat him in a pie eating contest

Gratliff

Jon Gruden was so close to calling Cam Newton a chaffeur. That was almost legendary TV.

Toastface Killah

CAM NEWTON; I CALL THIS GUY THE LINCOLN CONTINENTAL BECAUSE HE LOOKS GOOD BUT DOESN’T DO SHIT

Toastface Killah

I can’t tell if Bryce Brown is good or just playing a real crappy team. Either way, I’ll be making counterfeit jerseys to sell in my closest wawa parking lot.

Brian

When I’m as old as Jerry Richardson I too will keep a can of ginger ale next to me so no one on TV can tell its bourbon

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