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The Best Moments From Bears-49ers

By Christmas Ape / 11.20.12

Wasn't aware they booked a Mumford and Sons concert at Candlestick last night as well.

It was a fantastic night for all the 49ers who aren't Alex Smith. Possibly not a good one for the Bears as well. Not only did Colin Kaepernick make a case for being the starting quarterback for San Francisco going forward, but his teammates aren't shy about expressing their preference for Kaep.

No doubt Jim Harbaugh will mull starting Kaepernick all week, but ultimately stick with Alex Smith, then lecture the media about how he has never wavered from Alex. Then Alex Smith will play like sh*t and Harbs will give him the hook inside of a quarter.

Discussing the game last night, Vernon Davis told local media "I felt like somebody took the handcuffs off me." That's either a ringing endorsement or more than I needed to know about Vernon's kinky dungeon play with his teammates.

Since one of the quarterbacks actually managed to be adequate, we didn't have the expected plodding repeat of the sunday night game. Instead, it was a huge blowout. Oh well, at least Gruden brought the crazy, even more so than usual.

ALL the sacks! Aldon sacks!

Jason Campbell was sacked six times, five and a half of which by Aldon Smith. Truly measty performance. I'm sure Catler was just devastated to miss that game. He'd have yelling at linemen all night before getting concussed again before halftime.


RIP Jason Campbell

Even when Jason Campbell wasn't being brought down in the backfield, he was taking huge shots. Like this one from former teammate Carlos Rogers. At one point, a McCown started warming up. It was scary.

Womp Womp

C'mon Bears, you were supposed to win it for all the old-time Bears and Mike Ditka, who just suffered a stroke, so it's not okay to talk about his bizarre hand motions. Really. Quit it. I mean it.

Harb Bowl Bomb

Not including this GIF because I want to see an all-Harbaugh Super Bowl. That's probably one of the last things I want to see, even though it would likely lead to a fight to the death between Jim and John and possibly also their dad. Only have it in here for the GIF bomb, which of course brings this to mind:

Obligatory Scary Harbs Face

Though that ginger behind him is plenty freaky, too.

This Grinder

A lot of Gruden in this recap, I know. That's what happens when the game is over by halftime and someone gave ESPN production hooked him up with bath salts before going on the air. Gruden gushed over Justin Smith and called him a Grinder, the second-highest honor Gruden can bestow after SHERIFF. He also said he would like seven Justin Smiths. Not sure whether any of them should come in handcuffs.

Gruden Is Not Shitting You

Some folks thought Gruden exclaimed "ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME!?" when the 49ers sent Leonard Davis out wide on one formation before being flagged on a penalty. Nope. He said kidding. Just goes to show that Gruden may be insane, but he still has better control of himself in the booth than Jaws.

Awww Gorilla Hug

Gruden stopped by Oakland for the game on Sunday and ESPN had some footage last night. Mostly just lighting virgins on fire at the altar of Al Davis. And a gorilla hug. Though I imagine that's not the first gorilla he's hugged.

What's That Song Only Gruden Likes?

Just learned about this band Queen that Gruden likes. They seem good. Hope none of 'em gets AIDS.

Stay Choppin', My Friend

Sometimes I feel like I watch three hours of Monday Night Football just for the two minutes of Sunday Soundtrack.

This Kaep Kid

I had never heard Colin Kaepernick speak before Monday night, so it came as quite a shock that he sounds like an 11-year-old. Would explain his resemblance to that kid from "The Middle".

Comments of the night

Keating Sean

they should change the NFL ad of Cutler helping the arguing the girls to one of him trying to remember his own birthday

Old School Zero

White guy: “Checking in.”

Clerk: “Name?”

White guy: “Latrell Sprewell.”

Clerk: /Audible sigh of relief

Head Bee Guy

Jason Campbell is the Josh Duhamel of quarterbacks. Untalented and so very, very boring.

Head Bee Guy

The Rog’s Google page this morning:

We couldn’t find any results for Fine Ed Reed.

Did you mean: Fine James Harrison?

Keating Sean

somewhere in Kaepernick's attic is a portrait of Matt Ryan slowly morphing into Nacho

Guns Dont Kill People

BEN NO LIKE PREDATOR BLITZ

Old School Zero

Jason Campbell is now wishing for simpler days: making sure there was plenty of kibble in Cutler’s bowl, trimming his mustache every fifteen minutes, and being completely anonymous on the streets of Chicago, but those days, obviously, are over.

Small Man on Campus

I think the worst indictment of the Bears defense is that Kaep just pump faked 5+ yards past the line of scrimmage and they almost fell for it.

Seventy Five

Forgive me (i’m new here): how many drinks is the ‘All Ethnic Beer Commercial’ worth in the MNF drinking game?

The Flyin Hawaiian David Kaliiki Alii

It’s too bad the Bears weren’t wearing their orange uniforms, so their linemen could pretend they were traffic cones.

JimmyJames

Did they hire Gruden solely on the criteria that he would fill any and all milliseconds of dead air in otherwise uninteresting games with any thought that crosses his mind?


 

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