As connoisseurs of dick jokes – especially NFL-related dick jokes – KSK would be remiss not to pluck the low-hanging fruit that is Brandon Marshall mentioning that some players have been known to use Viagra as a performance-enhancing drug during games. In a conversation Wednesday with Chicago Tribune’s Brag Biggs that started out as a chat about the new Adderall epidemic (PETER KING SAYS IT’S AKIN TO COCAINE, SOUND THE ALARMS) Marshall sheds light on dick pill abuse that is also going on in the league.
“I don’t know too much about Adderall,” Marshall said. “I know guys, it is such a competitive league, guys try anything just to get that edge. I’m fortunate enough to be blessed with size and some smarts to give me my edge. But some guys, they’ll do whatever they can to get an edge. I’ve heard of some crazy stories. I’ve heard (of) guys using like Viagra, seriously. Because the blood is supposedly thin, some crazy stuff. So, you know, it’s kind of scary with some of these chemicals that are in some of these things so you have to be careful.”
Apparently players using any and all available means to get an edge, even dick pills, comes as a huge surprise to some, as that would explain Shutdown Corner’s repeated use of all-caps astonishment to announce that Viagra is being used ON THE FIELD!!!! ZOMG!!!
Exactly how rampant the Viagra abuse is will no doubt be later revealed in an alarmist Outside the Lines: Bonergate special report. For now, we can only assume that every NFL erection is tainted by cheated. And Peter King knows all about Peyton Manning’s taint.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.