"What Did I Say About Not Screwing Off, Norv"
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The Best Moments From Broncos-Chargers

By Christmas Ape / 10.16.12

You don't have the biggest comeback in the history of Monday Night Football without extensive quantities of derp and schadenfreude. Really, this game was like a two-course meal of laughing at Peyton then laughing at Rivers. If there were a way that both of them could have lost, that would have been best. Perhaps that's a bit much to ask, but I'll ask it anyway. I'm exacting about my hate like that.

So San Diego squanders a chance to build on their division lead late in a prime time game for the second week in a row. For Norv to remain head coach of this team requires heroic feats of denial on the part of the front office. But I trust that if anyone is up to that task, it's the Chargers. Of course, Rivers deserves plenty of the blame. But when said failing quarterback is openly flouting his head coach on the sideline, a change has to be made. I'd recommend axing the old crater face with a lifetime of underwhelming results as a head coach.

Worse still, this meltdown came against a Jack Del Rio defense. That's gotta sting.

It's a good thing that Denver won, because, as Gruden informed us before kickoff, Peyton Manning can't even pronounce 2-4. That's an oddly specific speech disorder. I bet it would have been super embarrassing for Pey-Pey to handle that for a week. Awful nice for the Chargers to give the game back to him.

Onward, schadenfreuders.

The Many Rivers Faces of Failure

via

The nail in the float balloon

Chris Harris takes Marmalard's fourth interception to the house, icing the game and touching off the delightful sequence of Philip Rivers floating his mouthpiece in frustration, dropping it, then heading to the sideline to blow off his head coach.

via

The trip is so deck

Remember when "deck" was supposed to be cutting-edge hipster slang for "cool"? Ah, the early Aughts. Anyway, you've seen Eric Decker trip over himself on replay by now, but here it is again, because it's still hilarious. As was the reaction that John Fox gave to Lisa Salters about it after halftime.

Hands Baiting

Philip Rivers was twice flagged for a false start for violating the new rule said to have been inspired by Peyton Manning. Peter King say that's WEIRD! Anything to make King Laserface flip out some more. Especially if it's about something that bring masturbating to mind. Every sperm is sacred, heathens.


Manningface, even in victory

Just because Peyton came back to win doesn't mean we can't still glory in the sumptuous Manningface from the first half of the game. It was a treat. After the Chargers jumped out to a 17-0 lead, the MNF cameras caught Peyton's gaze on the sideline for about 15 seconds of Pey-Pey thousand-yard stare, during which he didn't blink once. I would call that eerie but we all know Pey-Pey is already more robot than man now.

All that stands between you and a pick-six it flopping Peyton

Thanks to USA Football for teaching Peyton how to tackle properly.

Trolling Tirico

Jim Leonhard took a jump ball away from Antonio Gates, which must be very embarrassing for Gates. During the replay, Gruden ribbed Tirico about calling the catch simultaneous, as Tirico somewhat famously did during the end of the Packers-Seahawks scab ref disaster.

Schiano Douchetracks

Sunday Soundtracks featured a clip of Greg Schiano engaging in some referee hectoring on the sideline. That's pretty standard protocol for any head coach. Schiano being a asshole par excellence, he takes it to the next level. He has to demean the official by saying "why am I complaining to you, you don't make the rules, you just enforce them." Well of course he doesn't make them. He's a fucking referee, dickbag.

Come Back, Horse Hater Blog

I will never forgive Dove for these Elway commercials. If you were gonna introduce a line of horsey products, Sarah Jessica Parker would have been a little less scary.

Blipster romance

Von Miller fanbro blew him kisses before you even knew who Von Miller was. He writes Von mash notes on his typewriter.

In case you were wondering about that Phil Mickelson shot at halftime

Bad night for Phils, you guys.

Comments of the night

Mike Martz Colors Dont Run

Neutral Zone Infraction is the name of Von Miller’s favorite electroclash afrobeat band, you probably haven’t heard of them

Man Getting Hit by Football

“Lets be honest, it is me vs. him.”

-Philip Rivers, announcing his move to free safety.

GregOlsenIsMakingMeSexist

Knowshon is inactive every week. Especially the ones where he gets touches.

JJFozz

Rivers is angrier than if he ate a hamburger on Friday

KevinW

Denderp Broncd’ohs.

William Charles Schneider

Tomorrow’s MMQB follow-up: Should the Broncos contact Brett Favre?

War Machine

“It’s been a cat-and-mouse game…” Some Itchy, mostly Scratchy.

HoustonHydra

How many BCS style points do the Chargers lose every year just by having Coach Pepperoni face scrotum neck?

RonSwanson

Philip Rivers – Best Worst quarterback? or Worst best quarterback?


 

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