Stevie Johnson teamed up with The NOC to give out $5 to people willing to accost strangers in Manhattan and offer them a rectal exam. That’s the old 5CHAN spirit. If only there were an incentive that could get Stevie to put up more than 40 receiving yards in a game.

– Stat corrections of the week changed a Rashard Mendenhall touchdown run to a Ben Roethlisberger touchdown pass. A sack was also taken away from noted swatty person, J.J. Watt, which has cost him the current league lead in that category. Clay Matthews is back to being the sack leader, so rejoice, Packers fans, this totally makes up all the bad stuff the league has done to you!

– Brian Hartline leads the NFL in receiving yards through five weeks, mostly on the strength of a 253-yard performance against Arizona in Week 4. Still, he’s the gritty yardage king for the time being. This has led teammate Davone Bess to proclaim that Hartline has transcended the usual white receiver cliches.

– Frank Caliendo has been officially been brought on at ESPN, much to the delight of Mike Florio and no one else. I’m sure the Worldwide Leader will have him replacing the enjoyable Sunday Soundtracks segment before the month is out.

– Laugh all you want, but this Colts fan is just checking for nasal cancer. It’s serious! We must raise awareness!

– Jahvid Best might actually be on the verge of returning to the field after being sidelined by concussions for nearly a full year. Good news! And just in time to derail the Mikel Leshoure fantasy gravy train!

– Adam Carriker had to pose for a photo dressed up as Bill Goldberg after he lost a bet to the former NFL defensive tackle and WCW/WWE wrestler. WHO’S NEXT!? (to beat the Redskins)