There’s a legend that every football player is told at some point in their lives. There are many who swear it isn’t a myth at all. It’s as real as you and me, they say. Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously is doomed to suffer the consequences.
They speak, of course, about the legend of Liz Frank.
There is no reliable account about who Liz Frank is and why she torments football players. Some say she’s a mom who lost her child to an injury that USA Football couldn’t prevent and swore revenge. Others say she’s a witch. Still others claim she’s a sexy witch. The one thing that is universally agreed upon is that no player wants to find themselves confronted by Liz Frank.
The legend of Liz Frank has been exploited by people who don’t take it seriously. Whenever a rookie refuses to carry a veteran’s pads, his teammates will tell him that’s exactly the kind of thing that will make Liz Frank come looking for him. Coaches remind players that don’t come to OTAs that Liz never lurks at practice. The more time you spend at home, the more time Liz Frank has to get you.
There’s a tale that crops up in NFL locker rooms every once in a while. Most players would prefer not to acknowledge it, but every so often there’s a brash individual either careless or courageous enough to bring it up. The story goes that there was once a great wide receiver. No one could cover him one-on-one. There wasn’t a route that he couldn’t get immediate separation on. This was a sure-fire Hall of Famer if ever there was one.
One night, this receiver was driving home drunk. He really had take a piss, so he pulled over at a cemetery. He wasn’t much for superstition already and he was incredibly trashed to boot. He took a leak right on someone’s grave. Depending on the telling of the story, some say he laughed as he did it. He finished up his piss and swerved the rest of the way. No incident, no crash, no arrest. He fell asleep straight away when got home.
The next morning, he tried to step out of bed and fell immediately to the floor. Couldn’t put any weight on his plant foot. He was horrified. He went to the doctor, who recommended an X-ray. What the doctor saw confused him greatly.
Not only were the metatarsal bones displaced from the tarsus in his foot. BUT THEY SPELLED OUT LIZ.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.