You know, just in case this gambling stuff doesn’t work out.

Last week: 3-3
Overall: 20-18-1

/buys mask and gun
//uses it to steal book from Goodwill

Cleveland Browns +3 at Indianapolis Colts

Being confused for Doopy Pantz had to be the highlight of Colt McCoy’s NFL career, right?

Carolina Panthers +2 vs. Dallas Cowboys

Dallas has reached such levels of mediocrity that even the world’s worst fairweather fan is starting to distance himself. Those Yankee decals are probably gone by now.

Buffalo Bills -3 vs. Tennessee Titans

Buffalo’s defense is so shitty that they actually brought Shawne Merriman back from his forced vacation. The Titans offense is so shitty that it doesn’t even matter that they’re playing against Buffalo’s defense. “You can never have too many guys that we believe can rush the passer,” said coach Chan Gailey, so if you know of any, be sure to let him know. Burned like Shawne Merriman passed out on the beach.

Chicago Bears -6 vs. Detroit Lions

If the Bears screw this up their locker room is going to turn into a very unsanitary place.

New England Patriots -11 vs. New York Jets

Give Rex Ryan an inch and he’ll talk a whole yard of shit. After the confidence boost that came from last week’s win, Ryan came out and said they were going to beat the Pats this week. Bill Belichick probably figures that if he sweeps the Jets in humiliating fashion he can probably rid the division of Ryan once and for all. So yeah, Pats huge.

Houston Texans -7 vs. Baltimore Ravens

Not to discount the epic pregame speech from God’s linebacker, but surely that won’t matter for shit. All of those guys probably hate him and hope he never comes back.

How many home teams will win in Week 7?

OVER 7.5 (-120)

I picked 9 home teams in my confidence pool, and if we’ve learned anything, it’s that I can’t possibly be as bad at picking games straight-up as I am with the spreads.

Crap, I forgot that this would no longer be available by the time the post went up. Sorry. But hey, one down in case you jumped on it early enough.

Top image via BuzzFeed