On Friday, an unfeeling Internet troll vandalized Brandon Weeden’s Wikipedia page by adding that the rookie quarterback’s nickname is Doopy Pantz. Now, it takes very little to make such a cruel tweak to a Wikipedia entry and the change has already been undone by another user. Furthermore, the derisive nom de scat was most likely applied as the result of one atrocious performance in Weeden’s first career NFL start, captaining an offense with negligible talent at receiver against a top 10 defense from a year ago.

All that said, I love and fully endorse the use of Doopy Pantz in any and all references to Brandon Weeden. And why not? We called Derek Anderson “Horse Balls” for something like three years and I have no earthly recollection as to why. With enough work, we can make Weeden aware of his new name and even learn to embrace it. It’s not like things will get better for him on the field. Carl has decreed it.

Your early game slate, according to KSK’s patented four-star system:

Chiefs at Bills **
Saints at Panthers ***
Bengals at Browns **
Vikings at Colts **
Texans at Jaguars **
Raiders at Dolphins *
Cardinals at Patriots *
Buccaneers at Giants **
Ravens at Eagles ***

The Emo Eagles are getting fired up in a punchy game with the Ravens.

Jacoby Jones follows up an ELITEDOWN with some Lil’ B Cooking Dance.

Ookie vs. Stabby: the epic confrontation.

You must respect Brent Celek’s burly white guy vert, or: Ballhawks shouldn’t fly so low.