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The Best Moments From Week 2 Sunday

By Christmas Ape / 09.17.12
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Even though the result of the night game never seemed in doubt, yesterday was a tremendously exciting Sunday. There deserves to be many long screeds written about the ineptitude of the scab referees and every single one of those will be written. And then a bunch more will be written on top of that.

But part of me appreciate the chaos of the scab ref situation. Yes, I want the situation rectified as soon as everyone else does, but in the meantime, it almost makes the games MORE exciting because no one has any idea what to expect. Basic rules long taken as a given are completed disregarded. It can be frustrating, but it can also be amazing to watch. If anything, it turns players and coaches into clueless assholes like us. They are struck dumb by the unruliness of the situation.

Please being the real refs back as soon as possible. In the meantime, enjoy the scab refs for the anarchy they provide us. The NFL is a rigid, painstakingly plotted landscape of rules. When those rules are arbitrarily enforced, what will happen? Let's watch.

There was a fan on the field in Jacksonville. To my knowledge, this is all that happened in the Texans-Jaguars game, other than Ben Tate continuing to vulture touchdowns.

The Patriots loss was just so beautiful, I wanna call out sick and watch the last two minutes on loop the rest of the day. Ryan Williams would have easily been the least for coughing the ball up as the Buzzsaw was trying to kill the clock. You could already read Bill Simmons claiming that the great fans of GRIT SAWX NATION had willed the Pats to an improbable come-from-nowhere victory, even though most of Gillette Stadium had already emptied out well before Williams' fumble. But then fate decided to Cundiff the Patriots. Of course, that will just be folded into the endless hype for Patriots-Ravens next Sunday night, but for now, it is glorious.

Also, sorry for the lack of audio on the clip above. You can listen instead to this insane YouTube poop someone put together of a Masshole reacting to the miss.

The most Tom Brady play of the year: avoiding a sack and just going down anyway because, fuck it, he busted up his nose last week and he has maybe a few more years left before he becomes the first he-she married couple modeling team with his wife.

Gotta save that million dollar face for sad sideline looks after Gostkowski's shank.

It's okay, Ed Reed. No one else thought Brent Celek had ups, either.

It's the great war of criminality: drug crimes and conspiracy versus violent offenders. Yet it is the drug criminal in this case forced into violence. I'm not sure what this says about the war on drugs, but I do know that Ray Lewis will have one of his boys shiv Marcus Vick in the yard. I assume Marcus Vick is incarcerated. That sounds about right.

via @CJZero

I haven't watched more than a few minutes of either of the Vikings games, which is a shame since while I doubt they've been "good", they've at least been close contests whose finishes come down to the wire. They've also featured awesome freak plays like this one. On the other hand, fuck the Vikings. There were plenty of other exciting games yesterday involving teams that don't blow goats.

via

Reading Peter King is the worst part of my week. I spend all weekend dreading the arrival of MMQB. The only time when that agony is relieved even a little is when someone who Peter constantly fluffs fucks up or does something terrible. Not that PK gives much more than a terse paragraph mentioning that Schiano did a bad thing. Certainly not on balance with the novella of fawning praise we've heard about the might the Schiano Factor will being to the Buccaneers organization through martinet discipline and eating the right type of noodle. Anyway, I hope Schiano gets suspended and Sean Payton gets to sidekick him in the nuts.


Right now, it's a two-derp race for Least between Stephen Gostkowski and Josh Morgan. Granted, Morgan was strongly provoked by Cortland Finnegan, but he responded in the worst way possible, just the type of reaction that dickheads that Finnegan exist to elicit. What annoyed about the incident was that, while the scab refs were meeting to discuss the penalty, Chris Long is standing right next to them taunting the Redskins sideline. One of the refs walks over to pull Long away, and he continues to do it. There were a ton of fights during Sundays games. Part of that is because the scab refs don't have how to maintain control. My conspiratorial part of my lizard brain wonders if any of the excessive fighting is actually a deliberate campaign by the players, whose union supports the cause of the referees, to make the scab refs appear even worse. But that's probably giving way too much credit to the organization of the players' union.

via @CJZero

So I haven't seen any official notification that the Rams broke the world record for most people wearing a fake mustache in one place at one time, but I think it's safe to assume that they got it considering the previous record was only 227 and the Rams were handing them out to fans at the gates. I mainly like that someone stuck a Fisher 'stache on a football. Aww, that football has such gravitas now.


via @CJZero

Golden Tate laid the shit out of Sean Lee on a block that should have been a penalty but was uncalled. I know that the league is cracking down on these types of hits, pretending that they're the culprit for lingering brain issues as opposed to the toll of regular head contact that accrues over time. Anyway, I know I'm supposed to be disgusted and say these hits and wrong and should be penalized. And I do. I get there. But I spend too long being a fan in a time when that was just an awesome hit. So the shame and the tut-tutting have to wait for my initial few seconds of AWWWWWW SHIT HE PUT A LICK ON 'EM subsides.

via Reddit

It's funny because Steven Jackson is a black guy who isn't a punter.

I swear I've seen Jerry Frump more than any other scab ref by a significant degree, even though this is just my imagination or he's just happened to work the games I'm paying the most attention to. He looks like someone pulled a sitcom dad out of his deadening desk job and made him a referee. Yup, it's the episode where the O'Connor family falls on hard times and dad has to take a second job as an NFL scab ref. He's only calling this infraction a "five-year penalty" because he's busy thinking about how his no-account son is gonna get held back for a fifth year in high school.

The sitcom dad also has a problem with Mexicans. It'll be a very special episode when they confront that issue.

Look at Boss Todd trying to get cute with the Steelers offense, calling a Statue of Liberty play that Boise State used famously a couple years ago. Because that's the type of shit you can get away in the college game because the average skill level of the players isn't as high. It's also likely a yinzer saw this and cried for the return of Bruce Arians.

It wasn't part of the Steelers' gameplan for the defenders to grab Ben's junk, but THE BEN enjoys it all the same.

Rex is a little disgusted with himself after the Steelers' first touchdown of the day. "Christ, the fans are gonna make me start Charlie Church next week, aren't they?"

That's a downright touching thing you did with your hair, Antonio Garay. I wonder if Seau played for the 49ers, would Justin Smith a get a tat of Seau to go with his Busch ink?

If Matt Stafford is gonna fuck my fantasy team with a letdown season, the least I can do is find joy in his despair. That's right, fantasy commissioner, I want points for pained expressions.

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