RGIII and Tom Morello object to Paul Ryan wearing this shirt

Weather in D.C. is actually pleasant – if you’re lucky – maybe three weeks out of the year. Usually it’s in September, once the crush of summer mugginess starts to lift. Today is one of those days. It’s immaculate outside. Gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh temperature. And yet ask me to do anything but sit inside for 10 hours and watch football, and in you’re in for the scowling of a lifetime. Oh thank goodness it’s back. Screw the cheap showiness of nature. FOOTBAW SUPERSEDES YOU!

Here is your 1 p.m. slate, as judged by KSK’s patented four-star (sometimes five-star) system:

Colts at Bears **
Eagles at Browns **
Rams at Lions **
Falcons at Chiefs ***
Jaguars at Vikings *
Redskins at Saints ***
Bills at Jets ***
Patriots at Titans **


Damn you, Redskins fans. Are you serious with that sh*t? You’re gonna make me start rooting against RGIII by the end of the month. I know it.

Anyway, be sure to refresh the full page after the jump throughout the early games, as I’m going to be adding screencaps, videos and GIFs to the post as I get them. Enjoy.

Reader TurleyGirlie spotted this sign outside of the Superdome:

Apparently Jaws was reassured as a young quarterback because Dick Vermeil wouldn’t give him a handy. Vermeil always cried during them, which makes for some discomfort.

We got too many Roman Numerals, COOCH!

Teebs lines up at tight end on Jets’ first offensive play. Finally, Tebow plays his natural position. No chance you’ll hear about this elsewhere.

The first of many Nachoceptions. “Take it! I don’t want it!”

THAT’S A BAD KITTY! CUTLER, YOUSE A BAD KITTY!

via

Nice shot of RGIII watching his first passing TD. SUCH GROUND POISE!

Trent Richardson’s knees may be suspect, but his head is strong enough. Via SB Nation.

NOT THE FACE! You’ll pay for mangling Dreamboat’s nose, Titans. Simmons has a lot to think about when he can’t beat off.

Gronk is drunk, apparently. I am too. So relatable, that Gronk.

[Top pic via]