Every year, I have less and less to say on the anniversary of 9/11, which is remarkable because I never really had anything all that compelling to say about the events in the first place. On the morning of the crashes, I had scheduled a rudimentary college astronomy class (hooray, least challenging option to satisfy science requirement!) followed by a shift at a sports card shop I worked at at the time (those still existed! the early Aughts were krazayyy!). Halfway though the class, a T.A. came into the huge lecture auditorium and told the students that planes had crashed in New York City and we were excused from the rest of class. Everyone left, confused but not especially concerned given the sparse explanation.

I went to my job at the sports card shop. When I arrived, the owner greeted me with “What the f*ck are you doing here? No one’s coming in today. Didn’t you hear what happened?” I had, but I was a sufficiently obedient store employee (unsurprisingly, that card shop is no longer in business) to still make an appearance. The owner sat there with CNN on, explaining that when the government catches whoever was responsible, they should let the asshole loose in Central Park and let the people have at him. I can’t believe it didn’t end up happening that way.

At the time, my mother worked in an office a few blocks from the White House, so it was worrying when rumors were going around a dirty bomb had been set off in D.C. But that never actually happened and she was fine. So fair to say my 9/11 story is like most people’s: uninteresting and only full of secondhand fright. But there are also thousands and thousands of people who suffered directly and indirectly because of that day. And even 11 years later, those effects still haven’t started to fade.

That said, I’ve already spent a large part of this morning scrolling through the Twitter feed of @boring_as_heck, who is retweeting people claiming 9/11 was an inside job, followed by some other retarded recent tweet from their account, if only to further punctuate their crushing stupidity. I’m clearly one for sentiment.

Your Sean Taylor Memorial Meast for Week 1 is Adrian Peterson. Granted, the Vikings are woeful and only won because they were playing the slightly more abysmal Jaguars at home. And Purple Jesus did only post 84 yards on 17 carries. But he did score two touchdowns in a win nine months after shredding his knee. Quite a recovery eight months after the injury and reconstructive knee surgery. so far, he still appears to be the Purple Jesus of old. So Vikings fans still have one thing to not despair about.

Also receiving consideration: Robert Griffin III, Joe Flacco, Julio Jones, Kevin Ogletree, David Akers, Tracy Porter

Your Jeff George Memorial Least of Week 1 is Brandon Weeden, who finished with a 5.1 quarterback rating in a game that proves that just because a score is close doesn’t mean it can’t be the most ghastly game of the weekend. I have a feeling that Brandon Weeden, already 28 years old, will make a strong push to already be out of the league by the time he hits 30. Even if he does turn 29 in October. He has it in him. I know it.

Also receiving consideration: Victor Cruz, Mario Williams, Chris Johnson, DeAngelo Williams, Wes Welker, Travis Goethel