Between putting together open threads, running live blogs, sorting through Peter King’s drivel and grabbing screencaps and video, your intrepid editor Ape is more or less chained to his computer from the start of the early games on Sunday until after midnight Tuesday morning. I don’t mention this to complain – oh no I have to watch football! – so much as to explain why I’m usually fatigued by the end of the Monday night games.
Last night, I would have preferred that usual fatigue. Now I’m just shell shocked. On Sunday night, I smugly scoffed at people who chose to watch the Emmys over the Patriots-Ravens game. Don’t get me wrong, TV is great. There’s a lot more going on with TV than movies for quite a while. Still, the Emmys are pointless and stupid and always wrong, like every award show. Of course, that SNF game ended in disaster. Monday night was an even bigger, likely historic, clusterf*ck. People who want to deride the NFL have a lot of ammunition these days. The long-term effects of getting your head mashed for years. Even if you can deflect their glib moralizing, you can’t deny that the games are a joke with the scab refs. A sad, debasing joke. You might as well have watched the Emmys. It had Kat Dennings being all cleavage-y.
What’s that, Kat, my sweet? Did I put you in an endless spinning loop? You poor thing. You must be so disoriented. Quick, jump up and down a bunch of times. That’ll make everything better.
Your Sean Taylor Memorial Meast for Week 3 is Torrey Smith, who had 127 yards receiving and two scores less than a day after his younger brother died in a motorcycle accident. If it weren’t for scab refs, Bawlmer fans chanting BULLSHIT in unison and Bill Belichick grabbing an official’s arm, that would have been your story of the game. Granted, tales of sorrow and coping with loss aren’t as great for HOT SPROTS TAKES than officiating scandals, but, then there’s always this heartless woman to scorn for taking shit about Torrey’s dead brother after the game.
Also receiving consideration: Jamaal Charles, A.J. Green, Andre Brown, Chris Clemons, J.J. Watt, Justin Houston and Matt Schaub
Your Jeff George Memorial Least for Week 3 is the collective NFL ownership. It’s fun and not entirely wrong to blame Goodell for this fiasco, but he’s ultimately just the point person for the owners in this situation. If the owners really wanted the scabs gone, they could have the real refs back whenever they wanted, at what you would hardly call a considerable expense for them. Nonetheless, this shitshow persists, at least for the time being. Their hands may have been forced now, but look what it took. At the risk of giving smug Packers fans an opportunity to feel superior, it is ironic how the team with no owner got screwed the hardest by this phalanx of grubby shitstains.
Also receiving consideration: Dominic Raiola, Bryan Bulaga, Jim Haslett, Philip Rivers and Cam Newton
I want more like this!
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