The Redskins went into last season envisioning John Beck as a starting quarterback. It’s true. An NFL team actually did this of their own volition. Shockingly enough, it didn’t quite work out. The Sex Cannon was allowed to unleash the dragon. While this led to many a pregnant Virginian, it didn’t make for many wins. Forever the Offseason Champs, the ‘Skins mortgaged their future yet again for a prized quarterback prospect. They surrounded him by overpaying for a couple mid-priced free agents. They would have spent more, but the NFL hit them with that dastardly salary cap penalty.

Five Fast Facts About the Redskins:

- Since Roy Helu has stated that he’s going to move to another country if Obama gets re-elected, the ‘Skins might want to reconsider sitting him for the Election Year Jinx game against the Panthers on Nov. 4.

- Chris Cooley told Redskins fans to stop feeling sorry for him since he was released. His life is fine. Save those tears. Besides, Fred Davis’ inevitable and impending departure from the league will likely involve actual tragedy as well as him representing himself facing multiple felony charges.

- Drew wrote a scathing ‘Skins takedown over at Deadspin. In response, seemingly Washington-friendly site, DCist, opted to let a writer who is a Giants fan echo all of Drew’s points plus be a dickhead in the loudest, most grating way possible. Pretty much in keeping with how all New York act when they get to D.C.

- Did you know that Rex Grossman is also an RGIII? No way that gets pointed out in every single Redskins telecast.

- Leonard Hankerson and the tired husk of Santana Moss will be able to bond over going to the U and catching roughly 25 passes this season.

Notable acquisitions: Robert Griffin III, Pierre Garcon, Josh Morgan, Cedric Griffin, Billy Cundiff

Notable departures: Chris Cooley, LaRon Landry, Graham Gano, Jabar Gaffney, Rocky McIntosh, John Beck

Vegas win total over/under: 6.5 wins

KSK verdict: UNDER

Fantasy player you’ll dig at with rusty hooks: Any Redskins running back

The Redskins have still yet to name a starting running back for Week 1. In typical ruddy faced shithead Mike Shanahan fashion, the situation is going to be in flux all season, with Shanny pretending like keeping the information close to the vest helps his team in some way, even though Alfred Morris, Evan Royster and Roy Helu are all slightly different variations of suck. For what it’s worth, Royster is presently listed as the starter on the team’s depth chart, but I wouldn’t bank on any of them getting a clear bulk of the carries on a week-to-week basis.

Fan forecast, by KSK contributor and Washingtonian writer, Jack Kogod:

I should really be more excited about this Redskins season. We finally have the quarterback we’ve dreamed of for decades, and all anyone wants to talk about is baseball. Baseball! The game without a clock where nobody even bothers to risk the possibility of brain damage.

I blame Mike Shanahan.

He’s like Obama without any of the cool points. He inherited a totally fucked up situation and, to his credit, has managed to keep things from completely imploding. It’s entirely conceivable that we’re on the path towards respectability, but when you look through the depth chart it’s hard to be too excited.

Offense

Nobody actually knows if Robert Griffin III is capable of eclipsing the seemingly impossible bar set by Cam Newton last year, because the Shanaclan did everything they could to keep his secrets safe. 74 quarterbacks have attempted more preseason passes than RGIII, including Kirk Cousins who happens to be the league’s leading passer. A cynical fan sees the crappy offensive line and the skill position players of questionable skills and envisions another long season. The optimist, on the other hand, is simply an idiot.

Defense

The Redskins are as deep on the defensive line as any 3-4 defense in the NFL. Granted, I haven’t bothered to look at anyone else’s depth chart, but it is a definite strength, and it sounds good. The linebackers behind them are equally talented. Behind them? DISASTER. Some people in town think that the Redskins could have an elite defense.

This is entirely possible, assuming that nobody they play is able to execute a downfield pass. Their “best” cornerback was given a brief tryout at safety this year two reasons. One, the team is particularly weak in that area, and two, because DeAngelo Hall isn’t a very good cornerback. My old friend Tanard Jackson was arguably the team’s best safety, right up until he got himself suspended for another season. Kid likes weed more than money. No judgements.

Special Teams

Billy Cundiff? What a dick punch that was. The Redskins had two kickers in camp, neither of whom did anything to lose the job. Graham Gano was the clutch young kicker with the big leg (who I rightfully hated at the time), while Rackers was the more accurate veteran. The Redskins jettisoned both of them for a guy who is neither. Cundiff can barely hit the endzone from outside of 50 yards, and his last meaningful kick was a 32 yarder that landed next to a pylon. The one thing going for him is a ability to kick the ball out of the endzone, a skill shared by EVERY OTHER KICKER IN THE LEAGUE.

All that being said, I don’t see why this team can’t win the division. Hail!