We’re 30 minutes of gametime into the return of the real refs and it’s already a refreshing return to normalcy. The game moves at better than glacial pace. Why, it may even end before 1 a.m. Fights after the play are promptly broken up without sidelines clearing and extended delays. The only derps so far belong where they should: with the Browns offense.

The Cleveland defense kept the Ravens stymied for the first quarter. The Browns offense was ineffective as well, though it’s not as accurate to call them stymied as existing in their natural state of inaction. Seriously, the Browns offense is just hurtful and offensive to watch. It’s like it’s taking up part of a necessary part of your day. The Browns offense is like being stuck behind a garbage truck on a tight city street when you have to get somewhere. The guys in the truck are going through the motions, but they don’t believe in what they do and don’t feel any special need to cater to your urgency.

And yet, somehow, a not bad looking touchdown drive before the half.


This simile is true not just because of the inevitable failure, but also because the pace with which the failure happens. Take tonight for example. Things are going along all right at first, which within a score at half. But leaks have sprung in the defense. By the final act, they’re down four scores and the team breaks in two. Oh, and it’s raining tonight, because there should be water, I guess.