Good news, now this is stuck in your head.

Nobody makes money by hitting on exactly half of their bets*, so it’s probably for the best that I don’t have a Bodog/Bovada account anymore. That’s because I managed to finish right at .500 last year, thanks to a triumphant Super Bowl Sunday (line and over/under, but not the stupid props). This year I’ve decided to be a bit more selective with my picks. Oh don’t worry, I’ll still range anywhere from terrible to serviceable on a week-to-week basis. I’ll just be a bit more concentrated in my mediocrity.

Continue after the jump for this week’s picks, plus the dumbest prop bet offering I have ever seen.

*Well, unless you’re only betting on lines with + returns, but you aren’t and now everybody is bored.

Chicago Bears -10 vs Indianapolis Colts

I am really high on the Bears this year, and that scares the shit out of me. Sure, Cutler will get hurt, but now that means more Jason Campbell. MVP! MVP! MVP!

Buffalo Bills +3 (-125) at New York Jets

Rex Ryan doesn’t want people calling the Jets a circus, even if he does like to use a chair and a whip to keep Nacho in line.

New Orleans Saints -7.5 vs Washington Redskins

I’ll be spending the first Sunday of the NFL season down in New Orleans for a bachelor party scheduled around this game. Fortunately I’ll be too drunk to be sad about missing the late games on the Redzone channel. Oh, and our secondary is going to be a disaster.

Houston Texans -12 vs Miami Dolphins

Get what you can out of Houston before Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster go down with injuries.

Kansas City +3 (-115) vs Atlanta

The Chiefs are another team I like this year. So to recap, my plan is to ride teams helmed by Jay Cutler and Matt Cassel.

Jacksonville Jaguars +4 (-115) at Minnesota Vikings

Cincinnati +6 at Baltimore

Maryland delegate and Baltimore pastor Emmett Burns recently sent a letter to Baltimore Ravens ownership demanding that they “inhibit” linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo from expressing his thoughts on marriage equality. The Ravens had no comment on the matter, not even something like “Trust us, if we could control what our players say Joe Flacco wouldn’t sound like such a bitch.”

Horrible Prop Bet of the Week: Super Bowl XLVII Coin Toss

Get your money down on tails at -105 before this once in a lifetime deal expires! Seriously, if you’re going to take action on a coin flip, why not make it interesting? Don’t give odds on the outcome, give odds on the person executing the toss.

Actual Professional Referee: 1/2
Pop Warner Referee Who Lives In a Storage Unit: 4/1

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