With the season kicking off in mere hours, you have to act now if you want to get in on the pre-season proposition wagers. If you choose carefully you can think of it as an offshore savings account where your money goes to vacation for the duration of the season before coming back to you with friends in tow. It really is that easy, because oddsmakers are stupid people who want us to suffocate beneath our huge piles of currency.

People may try to tell you otherwise. They’ll argue that oddsmakers are actually quite adept at setting a line that will draw action on both sides of the bet. Well that can’t possibly be the case because nobody out there is stupid enough to take the over on San Diego’s win total. So yes, we are smart and they are dumb. Now let’s see how we can exploit that for our benefit.

San Diego Chargers Win Total: UNDER 9 (-160)

-160? God damn it, I waited too long. Now I’ll never get that operation. But not all is lost. It’s still a great bet, and you can get Norv at 7/2 as the first coach to get fired (no action if no coach is fired in-season).

Miami Dolphins Win Total: UNDER 6.5 (-140)

Washington Redskins Win Total: OVER 6 (-170)

As a fan of a team like the Redskins I’ve found that it’s important to have attainable goals. 7 wins seems about right for my purposes.

Cam Newton Passing Yards: OVER 4000 (-125)

Passing yards around the league will keep on rising. Hopefully Carolina spends a lot of time playing from behind again this year.

Santana Moss Receiving Yards: UNDER 700 (-115)

Moss might be the team’s fourth option in the passing game at this point. He says he feels the best he’s felt in years, so he’ll probably die before getting to 700.

Israel Idonije Sack Total: OVER 4.5 (-115)

And hopefully he does this dance after every one of them.

Patrick Peterson Punt Return Touchdowns: OVER 1.5 (+120)

BOLD PREDICTION: Peterson will score more touchdowns this year than Kevin Kolb.

As for tonight’s game, I’ll take the Giants at -4 in a high scoring game sealed by a Tony Romo sack fumble. Speaking of which, that kind of play needs a handy one-word name. We could start calling it a Romo, but I’m up for other suggestions. Oh, and if anyone knows of a sports book that will take my credit card I will be listening.