As you can see, Michael Crabtree owns a leather vest that says King Crabtree on the back with him in on-field action poses. This was obviously shown to serve notice to Packers backup tight end Tom Crabtree. Tom may have scored a touchdown on a fake field goal last week against the Bears, but he is not king of the Crabtrees. Oh no. To become king, one must visit the Lady of the Lake, who either bestows upon a Crabtree a leather jacket indicating dominion over all others who share his name. Or there’s a long awkward silence that ends with the lady archly saying “sorry, dude” then resubmerging herself in the lake, splashing the visitor in the process. Believe you me, that water is nasty.

Anyway, this jacket is only worth it if it causes Crabtree to start referring to the end zone as butter sauce.