What do we have here?

My, what a delightful thing you’ve done for the office, Mandy. That must have taken you quite a bit of time. Oh, there’s even a miniature Heinz Field turf. That is just darling. Everyone, everyone, come see what Mandy did.

And you’ve numbered them! Quite an eye for detail you have.

Of course, you have 16 men on the field on the offensive side. You can’t do that, I’m afraid. And that’s not even mentioning the scattered joke of a formation that you’ve put them in. Even if the refs were to ignore the grossly excessive number of players on the field – and how could they, gosh, there are so many – there’s no way you’d escape without at least a five-yard illegal formation penalty.

I see you’ve got the correct number of players on the defensive side. Oh, you catch on quick, don’t you? Except, you’ve got 11 players lined up in the box. Unless you’re Dick LeBeau calling plays against Tim Tebow, you won’t see that too often in the NFL. I guess it doesn’t matter, because the offense is just gonna keep getting penalized for stupidly have an extra five men on the field, but even a coach dumb enough to do that might eventually get the correct set lined up. Once he does, all it takes if a quick pass out to the wideout and I believe that defense has just gotten torched for a touchdown.

What’s this? CHEERLEADERS!? Look, I’m sorry, everyone. Back to your desks. I thought Mandy here actually respected our intelligence.

Mandy, you’ve been here how long? Few years? You get along all right in the office and you generally do your work. I don’t catch you farting around on Facebook appreciably more than any of the other people in this office. But how am I supposed to explain to everyone that you get away with insulting us with these glaring inaccuracies. Everyone knows the Steelers don’t have cheerleaders, Mandy. Everyone. I suppose it’s just my mistake of expecting better of you.

I’ll tell you what: I’m gonna take this horrifying display out to the trash. Actually, you know what? I’ve got a conference call scheduled in a few minutes, so I’m gonna need you to do it before I get back. Though I suppose it would be wrong to not at least try one first.

Ooh, those are delicious. Anyway, trash, Mandy. Take it out back.

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