The 2011 Bills got off to a surprise 3-0 start and beat the Patriots for the first time in 16 meetings, before reverting to the usual Bills that we know and mock. Injuries played a part in that, as did Ryan Fitzpatrick parlaying early season success into a huge contract that he followed up with a seven-game losing streak during which he mostly played like ass.

Five Fast Facts About The Bills:

– Every time you write something bad about the Bills, 5Chan sends a bomb threat to the State Department from your IP address.

– Remember, Shawne Merriman would kill a child just to have a chance to kill another child.

– Kyle Williams never retweets anything. He only favorites things. What’s the point? Just retweet it. Favoriting is pointless. Piss off, Kyle Williams.

– David Clowney tweeted the results of his HIV exam a few months ago and still hasn’t got any dates off of it. Let that be a lesson. Only share drug test results via social media.

– Ruvell Martin’s name kind of sounds like Rovell. Enough for me to dislike him.

Key acquisitions: Mario Williams, Mark Anderson, Stephon Gilmore, Vince Young

Key departures: Demetrius Bell, Drayton Florence, Reggie Corner, Roscoe Parrish,

Vegas win total over/under: 7 wins

KSK verdict: OVER

Fantasy player you’ll want to dig at with rusty hooks: Fred Jackson/C.J. Spiller

Fred Jackson had solid fantasy production before going down with an injury late in the season. Spiller performed quite well in relief over the last month of 2011. So now that they know they get can get decent output from both backs, the Bills plan to split carries between the two of them going into this season, even though they just handed Jackson a big contract. 5CHANNED AGAIN!

Fanboy forecast, by KSK kommenter Upstate Underdog:


Let’s go Buffalo!? The Bills gave us Beef-on-Weck-loving fans another soul crushing season last year (from 5-2, to 6-10). Will this year be any different? Probably not. Might as well start drinking or, if already not doing so, become a meth addict or if you really want to punish yourself, watch The Real Housewives of NJ every week.

Defense:

– They will be better, hard not to be after last season.

– switching back to a 4-3 scheme will help, can’t hurt.

– new DC Dave Wannstedt is a big upgrade on the coaching staff

– new DE’s Williams and Anderson will hopefully end Tom Brady’s season in Week 4

– young but good DB’s

Offense:

– Did you guys know Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard?

– Should be fun watching both Spiller and Jackson in the backfield. People with them on their fantasy football teams will hate it.

– Stevie Johnson is their only solid receiver. Big drop (no pun intended) off after him. I blame God for this.

– Vince Young is their backup QB, this makes me sad.

– Also, I’ll miss Roscoe Parrish because I like saying the name Roscoe.

Intangibles:

Head Coach, 5CHAN

Prediction:

This might be the Genesee beer talking but I think the Bills go 9-7 and make the playoffs. If this happens we can thank the fact they get to play the NFC West this year, not mention Miami, Jacksonville, Cleveland, K.C., and Indianapolis. Best case scenario, Bills win the Super Bowl. Worst case and most likely, Bills find new and even more heartbreaking way to lose a playoff game.