The first new episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks in two years (thanks again, lockout) airs this evening. Tough task for NFL Films to fit the full breadth of ineptitude of this year’s Dolphins into a single television mini-series, but I think they’re up to it. Let’s all gather together and laugh at Reggie Bush, Chad Johnson and Jeff Ireland while hoping for a Lauren Tannehill appearance in the debut.

I was planning on hosting a live blog for all the episodes, but I have a family commitment this evening (me mudder’s berfday) so the first Hard Knocks live blog will have to wait for next week. I will, however, have a write-up tomorrow, unless the show is just that dreadfully uneventful, which I doubt. Miami seems like a franchise that has taken great strides to ensure that it will be entertainingly atrocious. Enjoy.

— Buzzsaw linebacker Sam Acho signs a mini football for this little girl, who is just darling. And probably about to get her football stolen by Peter King.

— Speaking of Peter King, the quasi-lofty one has taken to calling RGIII by the WEIRD name of “BobGriff”, which might be the name of Montclair’s crime dog, unless it isn’t.

— MOAR PK NUGGETZ: Someone on Twitter pressed Peter for solutions after his call for END GUN VIOLENCE NOW, SOMEONE! speech in MMQB. Said PK: I DON’T KNOW!

— DeAngelo Williams is asking for online submissions for his new end zone dance. Let’s all suggest Serena Williams’ crip walk so Goodell fines him twice his yearly income.

— There’s a remote possibility that the Steelers could reunite Plaxico Burress with THE BEN, who has tried to fill the hole in his heart for a tall receiver for years with Limas Sweed and rape, to no avail.

— Elvis Dumervil will reportedly avoid charges stemming from the alleged July gun-flashing incident in Miami. That is too bad. I was so looking forward to weak-armed Peyton Pennington having to put up 45 points per game because half the Broncos’ defense is suspended.