— The Patriots have reportedly told Gronk to rein in the off-season craziness. To recap: being photographed doing body shots off random women, constantly being shown drunk wearing Zubaz and telling college kids that he wanted to take Tebow’s virginity were okay, but appearing in ESPN The Magazine and doing wheelbarrow races with his goofy brothers at the ESPYs were apparently over the line.
— Elvis Dumervil was arrested in Miami Beach on Saturday for a road rage incident in which he approached another driver and lifted his shirt to display a gun tucked into his waistband. To me, the dumbest thing about Dumervil doing this is that given Florida’s “stand your ground” law, it’s probably just safer to assume everyone is armed.
— In other roadway derps, Panthers defensive end Greg Hardy tweeted a picture of his speedometer clearing 100 mph after his morning workout. What? No open container in the frame? It’s like you’re not even trying to troll.
— Adidas is disseminated photos of what RGIII â€œhas been doing in D.C. this summer as he prepares for his first Redskins training camp.â€ One of them is him standing in police uniform in the snow directly traffic. More absurd than suggesting that it’s been snowing in the summer is implying that D.C. has coordinated response for snow at any point of the year. I think the city owns one plow and Joe Biden is busy using it to dump scores of hookers into the Potomac.
— Today is Barry Sanders’ birthday. He’s gonna eat cake then chill with his best lion bro. NBD.
— The Vikings hired a scummy Florida nightclub owner to speak to players about how guys like him prey upon weak-minded young millionaires such as themselves. Of course, that description just makes me wish they could bring on Matthew McConaughhey’s character from Magic Mike. “Lemme tell you, I could make performers out you boys. You ever get tired of havin’ them concussions, you give me a call and we can make some real money. All right, all right, all right…”
— Ray Rice got a new five-year, $40 million deal, meaning the Flacco checkdown clinic will continue unabated for the foreseeable future.
I want more like this!
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