I can only hope the natural byproduct of all these “Call Me Maybe” parodies, remixes and whatnot is awesomely inappropriate reaction videos from the people who watched them. This is a fine start.

Since we never learn this kid’s actual name, I’m just gonna call him Hero. Hero’s friend Nick asked him to watch the Dolphins cheerleaders’ take on “Call Me Maybe”. Hero enjoyed it, taking particular satisfaction in the T&A portions. So much that he’s going to tell us at great length about the boobs and asses. Plus, Hero starts things off by showing off his Tigger face tattoo. Face tattoo? That’s hardcore thuggin’, son. I know it’s only temporary, but it’s obviously just occupying the space before he can get a teardrop tat.

Some choice quotes:

“It’s an awesome video. I watched it. I like it because of all the amazingly hot girls. I would fry pancakes on them and then eat the pancakes.”

“I liked how in the beginning that girl has her ass hanging in the booty shorts and it says Dolphins on it. Um, I like that. And I like their boobs.”

“I subscribed to their channel because, if I’m ever in a bad mood, I watch that video and it puts me in a good mood again.”

“Sometimes I just think boobs are so fantastic, that I just can’t stop talking about them. Kinda like this video.”

I’ll admit that the part where he talks about how breasts are like melons because you have to cut open melons to get to the good stuff was a little unsettling. As was his theory as to how breast augmentation surgery works. His parents might want to set him straight on those points. Otherwise, they’ve done an excellent job raising this proud future degenerate.