There was no shortage of inane knee-jerk Twitter reactions to this morning’s Supreme Court decision to uphold the Obamacare mandate. Unsurprisingly, some of them came from professional athletes. For instance, there was Philadelphia 76ers center Spencer Hawes, who let it be known that we Amurricans all live in 1983 Russia now.

The NFL wasn’t without its own ridiculous indignation to the news. Redskins running back Roy Helu tweeted that he’s going to claim residency in another country next year. He helpfully added the hashtag #obamacare, because most people would just assume that Helu was inevitably headed to the CFL, because when you can’t beat out Tim Hightower for a starting running back job, that’s the next logical step.

I don’t mean to pick on conservatives. Every asshole does this when their party gets handed a political defeat. Libtards were all too eager to play the “DUUURRRRR I’M MOVING TO CANADA” card after Bush got re-elected in 2004. Just do us all a favor and shut the f*ck up. You’re not going anywhere. Also, if you don’t like government-subsidized health care, Canada probably isn’t for you. Even Mexico’s got universal health care now, so Helu might have to cast around a bit.