The next chapter of the Ryan Leaf “free fall down a bottomless pit of despair” saga will involve five years of jail time or monitored release, following nine months in a secure drug treatment center. All part of Leaf’s plan to act out the real life version of a Hubert Selby Jr. novel.

District Judge Kenneth Neill sentenced Leaf on Tuesday to seven years with the Department of Corrections, with two years suspended if he abides by the conditions.

Leaf, who was shackled hand and foot, told the judge he was humiliated and embarrassed for himself and his family and added that jail “has been a sanctuary” since his April arrest.

To be sure, we’ve long since passed the point of drawing schadenfreude from the ongoing tragedy that is Ryan Leaf’s existence. Even we have our limits. The guy was a certainly dick during his football career, but not to the extent that it merits the sh*tstorm of awful that has befallen him. That is more Brett Favre level cosmic retribution. Besides, what was the worst Ryan Leaf ever did to offend us? Other than being a mammoth bust, his worst offense was screaming at a reporter in the locker room. And let’s be honest: reporters almost always deserve to be screamed at. So godspeed, Ryan Leaf, you hopeless husk of a man.