CHUH CHUH. Mista redhead boss man from da Illuminati ax Pacman to come talk at da rookie supposin. Help out dese keeds that bout enter in 2 dis leeg. Pacman down wid it. Pacman been had he shine. Pacman help u get yo shine. BULLEE DAT.
[Turns iPhone audio up to "riding on the subway" volume]
Pacman got dat wizdum. He know da game like he know puzzy. Jus playin. Real talk, nobody know nothing like Pacman know da puzzy. Pacman da Alfred Eyesight of da puzzy, but he do know da game. O FUKK YEZ, HE DO. Y’all yung cats think u know sum sheeit. Pacman remember what it like 2 B y’all. HE DO. Dat wud when Pacman make all he mistakes.
DAS RYTE. Pacman fukkd up. O HE FUKKD UP. It seem like Pacman could do no gud 4 a long time. He be getting hasseled by tha poolice 4 minor shit like snatching up a hoe’s weave and lighting it on fire in a movie theater. And dis one time, Pacman broke in dis Mexican dude house, fukked da shit out he wife til she cum burrito sour cream and later crashed dat Mexican bitch’s car into a hospital den took of. HAHAHAHAHAHA. DAT SHIT WUZ FUNNY AS FUCK DOH Awwwww yes Pacman drank dat night. O YEZ HE DRANK
But dat wuz wrong. And Pacman haz deep regret. Puzzy deep regret. He wuz not thinking. Pacman lukky to mess up as much as he did and still get 2 B in da game. That’s why Pacman here 2 spit knowledge at U so U be set and shit.
LEZZIN ONE: You gotsta be havin respectabul white man’s names. When Pacman wuz Pacman 4-real, man, cops be trying to catch him like he wuz Osama. Now that he all official AAH-DUM JONES, Pacman be straight like a muuufukka. Po-po leave him B.
LEZZIN TOO: Don’t do nuttin in da scrip club dat white folk ain’t never heard of. It scare dem. Den the leeg gotta suspend U.
LEZZIN THREE: Them Vegas bitches be frontin’. U blast somebody there and the law can still arrest U if U make it back 2 yo house. Y they be lying?
LEZZIN PHO: Don’t pay yo leeg fines off in weed. Dat shit ain’t work.
Aight. Y’all B enlightened N wutnot now. U keep U nose clean and Pacman see U at da club. Pacman be da one GETTING HE DRANKY DRANK N HE FUKKY FUKK ON. HE TEAR UP DA PUZZY AN MAKE BEEF CONFETTI. IT B A TWATTY TAPE PARADE UP IN DERE. Y’ALL BOUT TO SEE. CHUH CHUH
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.